


Trust

by letswatchthecityburn



Series: With The Moon I Run [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:17:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letswatchthecityburn/pseuds/letswatchthecityburn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles <i>isn’t<i> okay with this. </i></i><br/><i></i><br/><i>Or how Stiles comes to care about Derek and is not okay with the things he discovers.</i><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. p a r t  o n e .

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SilverYaoiHellion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverYaoiHellion/gifts).



_p a r t o n e . _  
__

Sometimes Stiles finds himself watching Derek. It’s starts off as a way to see what the hell is going through the man’s mind as he runs around turning teenagers that aren’t equipped to deal with the responsibility into werewolves. Most of the time it’s in disbelief and then there are other times where he really watches him. He scratches beneath a well-kept surface to reveal the rotting wood and sees him for what he truly is; a sad man. Stiles doesn’t trust him in the slightest, he’s a bit more impulsive than Stiles would like when it comes to things like death and danger. Of course that doesn’t stop Stiles curiosity from sprouting up and latching onto the few vulnerable moments he’d seen. There’s desperation in the midst of the man’s madness as he scrambles to drag in Scott, Isaac, Boyd, and Erica. It’s those moments of clarity that make his heart tug a little for the soul whom has no one even with the people surrounding him.

It seems that Scott forgets that while he is fighting for his right to everything, Derek has literally lost everything. Of course, it’s not Scott’s job to care and he doesn’t but Stiles doesn’t forget. He doesn’t forget about the burnt up shell and the reports scattered over his father’s desk where his over eager eyes had pried late one night. The images of the burned bodies and unrecognizable corpses of both children and adults would haunt him in his dreams. He watches Derek and waits for him to come undone. Stiles can already see little knots beginning to fray, the control slipping, and he feels like he’s the only one. When he’s the one that’s always saying he can’t focus on anything for longer than a couple of minutes yet he’s managed to pick up on something no one else has.

Derek knows it too. Stiles can feel it through the looks thrown his way that are somewhat softer than the ones he sends Scott or even Isaac. There’s vulnerability there and Stiles can feel it seeping inside and weaving into his bones. It makes him feel unsteady on his feet and the woven strings pull taut towards the one thing he’d never think to find himself gravitating to. He imagines that it would be Lydia’s web that he’d fall into so willingly. There had been a point where there was one string but that slipped from his fingers the second Jackson decided to get his shit together. It still aches to think about her sometimes but slow hold the Alpha has captivated him with is slowly beginning to bend the gaping hole. He doesn’t love him or anything but he is definitely interested. Stiles cares.

He cares when Scott charges at him ready to swing and Stiles doesn’t know what possesses him in that moment but he steps in between them and stops Scott mid-roar. They are both yelling and snapping their teeth at each other but neither of them go to shove Stiles out of the way. He keeps his eyes level with Scott’s as he watches rage take over his face.  The argument is over the same thing as always; Scott wanting to keep his humanity entirely whilst Derek does a shitty job of listing the reasons why that’s not really possible anymore. Scott mentions Allison and lacrosse then everything goes to hell as Stiles hovers in the sidelines. As soon as Allison is mentioned Derek is shifted and it has transformed into a standoff within seconds.

“You’re a child! You have not matured completely! You have to realize that in order to keep those things you have to grow up, Scott! Get a grip on reality because reality doesn’t care about lacrosse, or Allison. You’ll get shit thrown at you regardless.” Derek’s words are harsh and real but to a teenager’s mind it’s nothing but a condescending display of distrust.

Stiles pushes as Scott’s chest feebly as he snarls and tries to drag Stiles out of the way, “Scott, c’mon man. You need to calm down! _Both_ of you.” He spares a glance at Derek who still looks in control despite the glowing eyes and significantly hairy face. Scott is still pushing and finally he gets the upper hand shoving Stiles out of the way. He steps forward and Stiles watches as he gets toe to toe with Derek, teeth elongated.

“We aren’t the same, Derek. I didn’t kill my entire family so don’t keep making me suffer for your mistakes. I am nothing like _you_!”

Stiles watches Derek’s face as he flinches back and it slowly crumples—and _there_ , there are all the scratches right there on the surface—before he turns away choosing to look in the opposite direction of Scott. His face is one of pain like he’s just been stabbed but the pain isn’t physical instead, Stiles knows, it’s on the inside. Scott makes a furious noise before storming past Stiles were-features retreating as he leaves. His brain catches up with him after a few unfruitful moments of staring at Derek whom is now crouched over in the corner busying with things in the warehouse. Stiles winces and takes off after Scott already knowing in which direction he’ll be headed.

“Scott! Dude! Slow down, damn!” Scott stops and looks back with a scowl on his face which makes him look like a puppy who just got put in the cage for peeing on the floor, “You just threw the fact that his family burned alive in his face! Don’t you think that was a little harsh? I mean, yeah, he was being a douche but it wasn’t worthy of that.”

Scott looked enraged when he turned around his face red and eyes glowing yellow, “Why the fuck do you care?” He shouted and Stiles flinched at his tone. There had been only a few times that Scott ever raised his voice at him and he hadn’t done it since they were kids and he wanted Scott to share his favorite toy. Needless to say, Stiles never got a turn to play with it.

“Look, I’m just saying that it was kind of mean regar-“

“Yet, a couple days ago you were saying the same things as me.”

Stiles let out a frustrated sigh and turned away, “Whatever, man. Let’s just get out of here.”

Scott shook his head immediately and gave his friend a hard look, “If you care so much why don’t you just join them? You already made a fool of me. What’s the use?”

**What?**

Stiles flinched his entire face going red as he finally got going the anger fueling through his veins. The audacity of Scott to even say something like that appalled him when Stiles continued to be nothing but supportive in every step of the way even when he felt like he was getting the short end of the stick. Countless times had he been pushed aside to make rooms for plans for important things like dates with Allison, studying with Allison, sneaking off time to be with Allison because her father would have his heart on a platter if he found out about them still seeing each other; but Stiles was patient. He never complained not once when he was being pushed aside he just smiled and stuck with him because that’s what friends do. Friends have your back even when they make out with your crush of ten years or leave you stranded in a pool for two hours. Yeah.

Scott’s face immediately falls when he catches Stiles’ eyes and Stiles can’t help but think, _Uh huh reel yourself back in buddy._

“I’m sorry Stiles. I didn’t mean it. I’m just not in control, I don’t. Fuck. It’s your birthday and I’m yelling at you. I’m being a shitty friend.”

Stiles cuffed the back of his neck and smiled tightly, “It’s alright man I kno-“

Scott shook his head defiantly, “No man, you keep doing that….making excuses for me but that’s no excuse. I’m going to be a better a friend and you won’t have to keep doing that because I’m supposed to be your best friend. Just give me time. This time it’s different.”

Scott nodded and walked off in the direction of the forest with a determined kick in his step. Stiles sighed loudly and ran a hand over his short hair. He took one look back at the Hale house before he sighed and walked over to his car deciding mentally that it wasn’t worth the fight. Derek was definitely old enough to take care of himself. He slammed the door and backed out of the grass and made his way onto the dirt road. He got home quickly and his dad didn’t even ask, like he often didn’t lately, why he was getting home so late. His father just looked up from the T.V and sighed like he was defeated—which _ouch_ Stiles hated a lot—and went back to watching the game. He trudged up the steps and shut the door to his room with a quiet sigh before flopping on his bed.

 

“Son,” His bedroom door creaked open and Stiles blinked at his dad who stood in the doorway in full uniform with his gun attached to his hip. He looked impossibly unimpressed at the sight of his son sitting on the couch under a mountain of blankets with popcorn falling from his lips and honestly, Stiles couldn’t blame him. It’d been two weeks since summer vacation started and Stiles had yet to leave the house other than the few occasions that he needed more food. His dad kept shooting him worried looks since this—all that Stiles was not doing—was not the norm. If anything it’d be the opposite. He’d never be home and always at Scott’s. It was a routine his dad had grown accustomed two since both of him and Mrs. McCall worked odd shifts so they knew their children wouldn’t be alone at odd hours.

“Yeah, dad?”

“Shouldn’t you be out of the house?” _Way to try your hand at subtle, dad._

“Nah, I’m doing pretty good where I am.”

“It’s summertime. Shouldn’t you be out with friends or something?”

“I have Scott.” He says nonchalantly in between a handful of popcorn. His father raises a brow, “I’m aware. Isn’t he in summer school?”

Stiles acknowledges his dad’s words with a detached nod but can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from the brutal killing happening on the screen in front of him on the screen. 300 is no longer as captivating as his father lets out a particularly large sigh and his heart constricts painfully. He pauses it quickly and turns to face his father who is rubbing a hand over his face/ His eyes are tired and he Stiles can see how much things are beginning to weigh down on him. It’d been the same look he had the day he came home from school to see his mom and dad at the table waiting to hand him bad news on a fancy platter of sugar cookies. Of course, Stiles had noticed the signs that his dad was stressed. He wasn’t naïve nor stupid no matter how much he got distracted. Stiles had noticed the liquor cabinet’s stock winding down and now the reason is in his face clear as day. He sighs and tries to shake off the bad thoughts,

“Maybe I can call some other people and do teenager things with them.” The ease is evident on his father’s face as he gives his son a small smile and a nod, “Good. That’s what you should be doing. Just don’t get too crazy, alright? I don’t want to have to arrest you and your little friends.”

Stiles couldn’t help but let out a slightly uncomfortable chortle at that since his father was painfully unaware of how much stuff he’d been getting into, “Don’t worry dad. You’ll get even more wrinkles.”

“Just be safe.”

With one final meaningful look his dad disappeared from the doorway and he heard the sound of boots clunking down the steps. Stiles sighed and sunk down in the couch wondering how in the world he was going to find friends within the next couple hours that he could hang out with. He didn’t have a lengthy list since he never needed much. All he needed was Scott since they were little and he never felt like anything was missing when he saw all the other kids forming large groups. Being friends with Scott was natural and not having him around was the complete opposite. Stiles barely knew what to do. He knew that his friend needed to focus on getting his grades up and being better and all but he was lost. He’d play video games, read, watch movies, then repeat and repeat again. It was boring and there wasn’t the spontaneous factor of having a teenage werewolf by your side to keep things interesting.

With a sigh, he grabbed his phone and looked through the contacts finally falling on the one person he thought he’d never call in a million years. The phone rang three times before he picked up and Stiles fiddled with his hands as the voice spoke,

“Hello?”

“Hey, Isaac, old buddy old pal. What’s up?”

“We’re not even friends.” _Um, ouch._ “I don’t even know how you got my number.”

“I have my sources. Anyways, I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe….hang out or something?”

There was a long pause before Isaac responded sounding surprised, “Really?”

“Yeah, totally. I mean I thought it’d be fun.”

“Um…alright, sure. You can come hang with Boyd and I at the field.” Isaac sounded almost in disbelief which made Stiles feel a little bad about using him for the time being, “You need a little bit of a touch up on your skills. The bench needs a little time to breathe now and then.” Mother of god, Isaac Lahey is actually joking.

“Alrighty then. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure, bye Stiles.”

 

For the next few weeks, Stiles spent his spare time practicing lacrosse with a slightly reluctant Isaac and an even more wary Boyd who wasn’t sure why Stiles was all of a sudden always around. Even Erica was surprised but she surprised him by welcoming him with ease and with a little less violence then he expected being that last time they were in each other’s presence he was left in a dumpster with no recollection of how he got there. They have all definitely grown since then.

It all started when Derek came around asking about Scott and Stiles must have got this pained constipated look because Derek looked remorseful for a moment before apologizing and disappearing. After that, Isaac had come and asked if he wanted to hang out again since the first time had been a bust. It ended with a black eye on Stiles’ end. Of course, Isaac said it with a grimace and zero enthusiasm but hell it wasn’t like Stiles had the hoes lined up round’ the block so he accepted. They ended up making awkward small talk until Derek came and then he was distracted by the sucky training dynamics and impressive flex of Derek’s pectorals underneath the grey wife beater, which by the way is _unfair_. It’s enough to keep him coming for a while until that gets boring and he suggests something productive that would help them all. Derek is definitely reluctant and he flashes his Alpha eyes when Stiles tries to step up but in the end he wins. That’s how he ends up littered with bruises and sore for days but he keeps playing anyways just to see how long they’ll put up with him.

Playing lacrosse with a bunch of werewolves definitely has its perks like they challenge him even when they think they’re are making it easy, and they don’t quote the Independence Day speech so there are pluses all around with their deal. It hurts when he goes to make a joke only to realize that they aren’t Scott so they probably wouldn’t understand.  Then he stops and thinks about how Scott is working to better himself in summer school and it makes him feel a little better.

They are playing one day and Stiles keeps getting hauled by Boyd who is playing a two on one game with him and Isaac.  It’s hard enough getting sacked but getting sacked by a werewolf is ten times worse than the norm. For the tenth time Boyd slams through his defense swipes the ball and makes a shot. He groans and he can hear Erica snickering on the sidelines.

“Nice, Batman. _Nice_.”

“Like you could do better. Boyd is a flipping monster, okay?” From his peripheral vision he can see Boyd smirk secretly.

Her entire body straightens at that and Stiles visibly shrinks when he realizes what he just said, “Actually,” She drawls with a lazy smile as she stretches and stands up her entire body thrumming with cat-like energy. She swipes the stick from Stiles’ open palms and lifts her chin in a gesture that practically screams _‘Watch and learn’_ so he steps aside and watches. Erica rolls her neck and twirls the stick teasingly as she shares a smile with Boyd that seems softer than her usual ones. Isaac yells something out and they leap into action. Erica launches into a run and swipes the ball as Boyd advances in looking like he is ready to steal when she flips twirling away and launches it into the net. Stiles openly gapes as she drops the stick into his hands and smirks,

“I can do _way_ better.” He stares openly before he begins to laugh slowly at first, just a low chortle. She joins him in laughter and it feels so easy so when she breaks off into a choking cough her body changing to a more rigid state he is afraid. He’s afraid to turn around and see whatever has all of them so bowed in and submissive. _Oh_.

“Your defensive tactics suck.” Derek’s voice breaks through and Stiles turns around to see him leaning against the rotted banister of the porch that crumbles under his fingers. Stiles blinks and points to his chest and Derek rolls his eyes making the teen sigh noisily.

“No, they don’t.”

Derek arches a brow and he has no choice but to admit the lie in his words, “Well, not entirely.”

Derek steps down and Stiles appraises him appreciatively as he walks into the field and holds out a hand, every motion assertive and with intention. Every motion makes him feel inadequate in his skin, “You never let the attack man beat you to the ball. If you can’t shoot it then goose it to someone else. Keep on him always. There’s your mistake.”

Stiles doesn’t say anything because all he can think of is how Derek is actually speaking for longer than 4 words and it’s about lacrosse. It’s hard enough to wrap his head around the fact that the guy looks ridiculously good in blue and it’s okay for him to think that because he’s Stiles and that’s how life works. Isaac shoot him a knowing look before Derek proceeds to give a demonstration which _ugh no_. When it’s laid out in front of him it’s easier to see the mistakes he’s made. He rushes the attack man and gives him the upper hand when it’s not needed. Boyd has flaws like he always does the same thing so there’s a hole there and it makes the game plan a lot more apparent.

“Can I try?”

“ _No_. You can do.” Derek shoves the stick into his outstretched hands with a little more force than necessary but Stiles refuses to let that damper his resolves. He nodded towards Derek who is now sitting next to Erica on the crumbling porch and launches into the game. This time around he’s mulling over Derek’s words and he heeds his warning then for the first time since the beginning of their game he makes a shot. Isaac shoots him a small smile hidden behind a shy gaze before he slides into Erica’s side for a break. He looks at Derek who is already looking at him with an appraising look and it seems like forever before Derek nods approvingly then disappears back into the house. For now, it’s enough.

 

After a while off Stiles coming around, Boyd warmed up to him and smiles a lot more when he’s around. Isaac treats him like they’ve been friends forever and shares corny jokes with him when they take breaks on the porch. Stiles stops feeling like he’s using all of them and begins to actually enjoy coming to the Hale house every day. It’s something he looks forward to when he wake up every morning. He’s noticing more definition in his body from all the running, he’s gotten a tan, and his dad seems happier from seeing him so happy _(“I just haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time, son.”_ ). It’s an all-around good deal and Stiles is so glad that he made it. He feels happy despite the fact that his summer isn’t going as planned. He hasn’t told Scott much about it though. The first time he mentioned it in one of their midnight text sessions Scott freaked about Stiles being around Derek. He still didn’t trust him and thinks of him as being bad news so it was probably best that Scott didn’t know that he’d been around him almost every day in one way or another. Scott also doesn’t need to know that lacrosse time is also watch Derek time.

It continues that for a while like that and Stiles can see that instead of the dust of definition here and there he has actual muscle. He still wears the same clothes and acts the same but there is definitely a different energy about him. It’s surer and Stiles doesn’t know what to make of that. It was weird enough that it went from girls giving him fleeting glances to a full once over and even sometimes a smile that wasn’t mocking. It should’ve been good, right? He should’ve been preening under the attention but it was quite the opposite. It felt weird to have girls look at him. It was like, could you not? Erica was the only girl that didn’t give him the shivers when she eyed him like prey and he figured that was because he was used to being around her.

It started at the mall with Scott by his side. His best friend had slipped away from bettering himself to grab a milkshake and take a walk around the wall. They passed a group of girls who he only slightly recognized and the girls kept looking at them when they walked into the food court. Scott took one glance at them then sighed and stared down at his milkshake with a sad smile. Stiles guessed that he was thinking about Allison. A few moments later he was alone at a table while Scott took a bathroom girl and couldn’t help but hear a loud giggle. He looked up to see the same girls looking at him. He waved hesitantly and they all started giggling again making him frown. A blonde girl with a sweet smile leaned around one of the girls and winked deliberately at him. One of the girls winked and it didn’t make him happy like it should’ve instead he shied away from the attention, tripping over in his chair to get to the exit leaving a bunch of giggling girls behind.

“What’s wrong, man?” Scott said when he approached him with a puzzled look. Stiles figured that his tense posture and tapping foot was a dead giveaway that something was indeed wrong because he shot Stiles a worried look. Stiles smiled sheepishly hoping to cover up the overall odd feelings. It was making a weird feeling crawl into his chest and Stiles didn’t like it one bit.

“Is it possible that you can be scared of girls?” Credit to Scott he didn’t laugh but he did make this weird choking sound that had Stiles moving forward ready to perform the Heimlich maneuver if needed. Scott composed himself quickly his face settling back to its normal puppy stature. 

“Well I guess so. It’s not really like you but it could happen. I mean, freaking werewolves exist so I guess being scared of a few girls is more normal than anything.”

Stiles nodded and shrugged, “Whatever maybe I’m just weird today. Let’s talk about something else. How was summer school?”

Scott dove right in without hesitation and it felt so easy listening to Scott talk and of course jumping in himself. He definitely wasn’t about to mention the fact that he’d spent most of his summer hanging around Derek and his pack. He shook those thoughts off and smiled at Scott. He realized that he missed his best friend more than he’d ever thought.

“It sucked….majorly. I had a lot of catching up to do and it was really hard. I mean missing all that school shoved me back a bunch but I got there and I did it. I know what I have to do this year to stay where I need to be. I want to go to college man, and maybe be a vet. I’m still thinking about it.”

Stiles remembered a couple years ago when they’d been playing video games Scott had said all he wanted in life was to become a great lacrosse player and now he was talking about becoming a vet. Stiles couldn’t help that he had the strong urge to hug him. Of course, to most people in the mall passing them by it looked strange that Stiles was embracing him wholeheartedly and flailing but he couldn’t bring himself to care because Scott is in fact his best friend. The best friend who’s hearty laugh and semi attempts to shove him off only makes him want to latch on that much more. Eventually Scott gets him in a headlock and rubs his head in a brotherly like manner before they make their way out of the mall. It makes his heart lighter in his chest knowing that everything is back to normal.

Until the next time it wouldn’t be, but Stiles wasn’t really worried about that.

 

He figures it out in the grocery store as he stocks up on snacks, Scott is one aisle over grabbing the carbonated drinks and any other things they might need for an all-nighter. Stiles resented the particular grocery store Scott wanted to visit because it was filled with bitter old ladies. Bitter old ladies who knew of his shenanigans and weren’t okay to take any of his bullshit but also because when he’d walk in they would make pointed motions towards certain signs ( _Smile, you’re on camera_.) and it made him upset. He was the Sheriff’s son and not as stupid as he had been at 7 years old when he’d opened a can of silly string. The damage was far worse than one would expect.

“I found them!” Scott announced from behind the wall and Stiles threw a fist up in the air. Part of their mission was complete. Now, all he had to do was find the right frozen treats. He scanned the many varieties of drinks and reached out to grab a bottle when he caught a glimpse of red from the corner of his eye. He looked up to see a boy bent over grabbing a bottle of wine of the shelf. The wine contrasted with his frat boy appearance and Stiles couldn’t help but stop, observing him silently. He was definitely an athlete, a runner by the look of his calves. He leaned up weighing the wine in his hands and Stiles found himself drawn to them. The boy glanced over, his brown eyes full of questions, and Stiles’ eyes widened slightly before he looked away quickly.

“Oh my god.” He murmured, as it finally clicked in his hand, “Oh my god.” He repeated grabbing the first thing he could see, a liter of Sprite, and practically sprinted around the corner to Scott.

“I think I might be gay.” Stiles sputtered out before Scott could get in a word. Scott paused for only a second before he simply raised a brow and shrugged nonchalantly,

“ _Okay?_ ”

Stiles’ eye twitched involuntarily at his indifference “Scott, this is serious!”

“Sorry, I just don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, so what?” Scott laughed balancing an unhealthy amount of snacks in his arms. He looked completely at ease while Stiles felt as though his world was ending. The magnitude of this discovery was bigger than either of them. It made him feel sick with the weight of it.

“So, what?” He echoed feeling like he was just falcon punched into an  alternate universe.

“Yeah, it’s not that big of a deal. The only thing that doesn’t make sense is your Lydia obsession. You sure you aren’t bi?”

“I don’t know.”

He imagined Lydia with all her wits stepping over people with a smile and turning heads. He thought of her strawberry blonde locks and her bright eyes as they danced under the blinking lights. The feeling was still there. That adoration and undeniable attraction was still present in his body. That tether to her that had been there for so long was still lingering.

“Yeah, yeah. I still like girls.”

“Well, I guess we have some things to talk about then.”

 

Being self-aware made Stiles more self-conscious around everyone especially Derek. He was aware of his attraction now and it made him less inclined to watch him. The more he watched him the more likely it was that he was going to do something stupid like confess that he admired the way his pectorals flexed in his wife beater. Stiles was sure that Derek could feel the distance because his looks became hard now. The looks they’d shared only weeks before now felt like distance memories from the way he looked at him.

One night after their training had run a little longer and Isaac had disappeared with Erica somewhere with Boyd not far behind and Stiles had a sneaking suspicion about what they were doing if the looks they gave each other were anything to go by. Stiles was gathering things when Derek appeared behind him nearly shocking the life out of him. He jumped and grabbed his chest, heart beating erratically at the sight of the Alpha standing in front of him with his arms crossed, “Dude! Do you ever stop creeping? Like one day you’re going to get seriously hurt for scaring someone this way.” Derek arched a brow and he sighed before dropping his stuff wondering what deep emotional subject they’d get into this time, “What can I do you for?” he said with a small sigh channeling his inner Derek and raising his eyebrows.

Derek sighed looking strung out and desperate, “Stiles, could you stop?” he frowned at the question his eyebrows coming together, “Stop, what?”

“I know you don’t want to be a part of this pack so it’s misleading for the betas to have you around all the time. They are going to attach themselves to you knowingly or not and I don’t want to have to deal with the aftermath when you disappear. I can smell Scott on you, he’s back so go back to your friend.”

Stiles opened and closed his mouth several times, searching for the words but coming up nothing. He frowned and realized as Derek folded his arm and furrowed his brow that Derek was trying to appear stronger in his presence. He couldn’t hold in the small laugh that escaped and Derek frowned even harder the space between his eyebrows basically disappearing. _Shit, shit_. Stiles immediately realized that he just laughed when Derek was attempting to speak to him about an important subject that obviously was important to him but the more important part being that Derek was talking to him at all. Stiles opened his mouth to correct himself before Derek jumped to the wrong conclusion but Derek jumped to it eyes flashing red for a fleeted moment,

“Just stop doing all of this, okay? You’ll mislead us- I- them. You’ll mislead them into thinking this is more than just a distraction. Stop bringing pizza and showing up for meetings. Just sto-“ He cut himself with a sigh and wrung out his hands giving Stiles a hard look that Stiles had to look hard to make sense of.

“Caring?”

Derek pursed his lips and gave Stiles a hard look but Stiles could already see through the hard exterior. Derek cared about his pack and he cared about their well being. It wasn’t as shocking as most people would think to see Derek acting in such a fashion because Stiles had seen him act self-sacrificing way too many times to count. But Stiles could that in this moment Derek was worried about Stiles creating a connection within the pack that he wouldn’t be able to take back. And for some reason it made Stiles’ heart stutter to be considered important. 

“No no-“

“Hey I’m not going to skip out, alright? I want to be here.“ Stiles paused before continuing making a wild gesture with his hands, “Look, you can trust me.”

Derek tensed up and Stiles almost wanted to take back his words and shove them off a cliff when Derek gave a small nod and a curt, “I do.”

Stiles stood there in shock as he soaked up the fact that Derek Hale who only months before threw in his face that he didn’t trust him just said the exact opposite. He wasn’t sure what that trust meant but at least he didn’t feel like he had to stop coming around. Derek eventually disappeared into the house with a quirk to the corner of his lips that Stiles was sure would turn into a beautiful smile if he let it. And Stiles left with a spring on his step and words on his tongue that he never got to say. Phantom words upon phantom hearts.

 

On a late Saturday afternoon Stiles was sprawled out on the couch shoving fry after fry into his mouth as the soundtrack of Star Wars played on the screen. He had already finished The Phantom Menace and was onto the next one. He didn’t understand Scott’s opposition to watching them but he was perfectly content staying just as he was. He looked over at his Dad who had fallen asleep half way into the first movie and rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his lips. This is usually how their Saturdays went unless his dad got a call. He spent his Saturdays lazy and his Sundays alone.

Stiles was just about to bury himself further into the blankets and chew the last of his fries when the sound of his doorbell shocked him out of his reverie. He dropped the fries and groaned causing his father to stir, “Did I fall asleep?” He questioned sitting up in the recliner chair and frowning, “Yeah, dad but it’s okay you can go back to sleep.” He could hear him mumbling something as he stood up and walked into the kitchen. Stiles rolled his eyes and tried to get back into the mood when his phone began ringing once again shocking him. He groaned and reached over pressing the call button, “This better be good.” He said not even bothering to check to see who it was. The answer was a series of heavy breaths and a pained grunt, “S-Stiles?”

“Isaac?” He sat up quickly his brow furrowed as he listened to thee rustling through the phone, “Hunters…they came to t-the house…fuck.” Stiles could barely stand the whimper of agony that vibrated through the phone. It was like instinct. His friend was in trouble and needed help so he would go to him. There was no a second thought or thinking about it. All that was left was to take action. He flinched at the feeling that noise gave him then composed himself tossing the covers off and grabbing his shoes with the phone still held under his chin, “Dad! I’m going to head out. Isaac needs someone to hang with.” He didn’t wait for an answer before he was practically running out the door and into his Jeep. He revved up the engine running his hand across the dashboard and backed out of the driveway,

“I’m on my, alright, Isaac. Where’s Derek?” Another pained gasp, “He’s hurt…I can’t get to him.”

Stiles nodded and began speeding through the back way towards the Hale house trying not to get caught up in any of the traffic. His Jeep was powering through and he silently thanked God that she didn’t break down, “What about Erica and Boyd?”

“Drove them away from here.” Isaac’s voice seemed to be growing quieter with each word spoken as if he was falling asleep, “Nu uh Isaac, I’m almost there. Hang on.” He whipped onto the lawn and clambered out of the car not even bothering to take out the keys.  He raced up the stairs and stared shocked at the demolished staircase. Someone had taken a saw to it and made it all collapse in on itself. The damage went up into the banisters and it looked as though someone was really trying to take the house down. Stiles stepped over the debris and jumped onto the porch eyeing it for damage before he walked through the open doorway where a door used to sit. Stiles raced over to where Isaac lay and felt a wave of nausea pass over him at the sight of Isaac sitting in a pool of his own blood, “Oh fuck.” He gasped covering his nose trying not to throw up or even worse pass out.

There were several arrows buried into his side that Isaac was trying to drag out a scream bubbling from his lips. Stiles found it in himself to calm his breathing and swallow the bile rising in his throat because Isaac was more important than a petty fear. He went to help with the process and Isaac shook his head gasping and pointing towards the pile of rubble, “Derek.” Stiles nodded reluctant to leave Isaac but knowing that Derek was probably worse off. He went over where there was a pile of fallen wood where the ceiling had caved in. Stiles pushed away the rubble wincing at sight of blood on some of the pieces and looked down at an unconscious Derek. His chest was littered with what looked like bullet holes that had healed over but were turning an odd purple. Stiles shook Derek eyeing the way his was coloring an almost pale blue.

He didn’t seem to be moving or even breathing so Stiles did the first thing he could think of. He brought his hand back and smacked him as hard as he could. Derek’s eyes suddenly flashed open with a choked gasp of pain., “St-” Stiles shook his head eyes widening at the vibrant red of his eyes, “Let me help you to the car...we have to take you to the hospital.”

Derek’s breathing quickened and he started shaking his head violently, “Okay, okay no hospital. But dude, I have to do something...” he stared down at the familiar black lines that were accumulating dangerously close to where his heart would be. Although they were familiar they were intermixed with what look liked red which was even more frightening.

Derek seemed to be struggling to speak as his breathing was labored and every syllable took all of his energy, “T-Take bullets...knife...” Stiles’ eyes widened and he immediately began shaking his head, “I can’t take any bullets out. I’ll pass out or throw up on you. Derek I really can’t. We’ll take you to Deaton.”

Derek’s eyes were shifting between vibrant red and a pale grey that was nothing like the usual vibrant multi colored grey it usually was. And wow, Stiles hadn’t realized how much he actually paid attention to his eye color. Derek’s claws dug into his arm not hard enough to draw blood but just enough to hurt, “Yes, you can.” he grit out from his fangs, “If you don’t take them out. I will die. No time.” Stiles grit his teeth and nodded knowing that he couldn’t let him die. He looked around for something sharp and his eyes caught a dagger one he’d seen Allison use once before, his eyes narrowing. He gripped it from the loopholes and steeled himself with a deep breath. He dug the knife pushing the urge to puke away as he dug one bullet out.

Then another. Two more after that.

Stiles could faintly hear Derek screaming but he knew that he couldn’t stop. He was in a box of white noise, teetering between a panic attack and the reality in front of him. He removed the last one and slumped back just as Derek let out an audible whimper. The holes began to immediately close but they were healing a lot slower than usual. He grabbed Derek underneath his arms and helped him stand. He wanted to make a joke about how heavy he was but Derek was barely lucid and he was still whimpering in pain despite the bullets being gone. He made a mental note to ask him about those types of bullets later on.

Stiles hoisted him up and half dragged him towards the door. Isaac had gotten the arrows out and looked as though he was almost fully healed as he struggled slightly to stand. He finally stood with a low groan and wrapped an arm around Derek transferring a majority of the weight from Stiles. He shot a grateful look to the curly haired teen then proceeded to carry Derek to the car.

Stiles remembered the loud squelching noise as the last one was removed and his stomach flipped. He turned away from the truck and hunched over as he retched. Isaac came up behind him and rubbed his back until his stomach settled. He stood and coughed a couple times trying to kick the image out of his head. His eyes kept flashing back to the way Derek had gripped onto him like the very life was being taken from him.

“Where can we take him?” he sighed wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “There’s this loft…Derek bought it…he didn’t want us staying at the train depot anymore but it’s a little messed up. He hasn’t fixed it up all the way. I know the way.” He said finally blinking owlishly, seemingly still in shock. Stiles dropped his keys in his hands and walked around to the passenger seat.

The drive seemed to drag on for hours with the only sound being Derek’s hitched breathing as he struggled to heal.


	2. p a r t  t w o .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles makes promises and maybe he breaks them...a little.

_p a r t  t w o ._

The loft was quiet. Stiles had nothing to say and the wind had stopped whistling through the hole. Derek no longer whimpered in his sleep. They were still, as the night progressed on, silently waiting for the other shoe to drop. Stiles stayed on the other side of the open space leaning his head against the window and tried not to stare at the way Isaac curled around Derek.

Sometime during the early morning hours, in the midst of Isaac applying new bandages as the others were sopping wet with blood that ran black Erica returned with Boyd by her side. Stiles paused in his pacing and turned towards them with a million questions bubbling up in his throat. _Where were the hunters? Did they kill them? How did they escape? Why were they after them?_ Erica sensed it though. She cocked a brow as she slumped past and even with exhaustion mingling in her eyes he deflated all the same.

“Is he okay?” She rasped out dropping down on her knees next to the couch grasping the tips of Derek’s limp fingers. Stiles eyed the scene absently, feeling detached. They spoke in hushed voices for a while before Isaac sighed and pressed their foreheads together for two breaths before doing the same to Boyd. Stiles turned away staring once again at the fog across the windows, drawing mindless patterns, until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to Isaac whose eyes were tired but hopeful as he grasped the back of his neck loosely. Stiles nodded unsure of what he was agreeing to but he knew that he longed to have what they did. He let himself be dragged in until their foreheads were touching and breathed out slowly. There was a connection there, like a mother’s embrace that offered the comfort no one else could give. It tickled at the very depths of him and went away as Isaac pulled back crossing the room once again.

“His blood is running red now, that’s all that matters.” Isaac yawned pausing for a moment, “Let’s move him.” Boyd stood pressing Erica back down when she tried to stand. They hauled Derek up the steps leaving the room in silence. Erica crossed the room in silence and sat across from him on the window sill with her knees against her chest.

“Are you planning to honor what you just did?”

“What do you mean?”

She scoffed and turned towards the window, “You hated all of us. I know you did. And now you’re here making pack bonds. It’s funny…I broke mine a while ago when Boyd and I tried to run away. I felt how bad it hurt but I did it anyway because I wanted to be someone I could no longer be. I wanted to be…beautiful but I also wanted to be able to lounge at home and eat chocolate without worrying about some crazy bitch with arrows coming after me. It was stupid and so we came back. Derek accepted us again but he didn’t touch us. He still won’t do that with us. He has warmed up a lot but I still can’t call myself forgiven and I’m not sure I will ever be able to. Isaac is different. Isaac loves everyone though and he wasn’t even mad after we came back…he even loves you although we all know how you really feel. Your loyalty lies with Scott and it always will.” She looked over and Stiles couldn’t form a response. Words were lost to him.

“The point is that you shouldn’t make promises, silent or not; promises that you can’t or won’t be able to fulfill. I’ll be fine but Isaac he’ll be crushed. I know he will. You called him first, you befriended him. And if you betray your promises, you will never be forgiven. Just make up your mind soon, that’s all I’m saying.”

“I’m here because I want to be. I intend to keep my promise.” She looked surprised by his words but she didn’t comment on them she just smiled slightly and held out a hand. He took it and they walked up the steps until they reached the bed. Isaac and Boyd were already asleep. Boyd splayed at the end of the bed and Isaac with his back pressed up against Derek who looked unbelievably peaceful. Stiles walked over to the side Isaac was on and tried to get comfortable. Isaac shifted in his sleep and squished Stiles into the mattress. Erica laughed from the other side of the bed and Stiles lifted a hand attempting to flip her off.

He fell asleep with Erica’s laugh ringing in his ears and worries of how in the hell he was going to explain this to his father.

He awoke in the afternoon when the sun rays were hot and the heat was suffocating. His throat itched and his entire body felt heavy. He blinked blearily and tries to stretch but realized that Isaac was still sprawled over his back. Stiles climbed out from under Isaac, whose hair was mashed and slob running over his chin, to stretch. He could smell the faint smell of cinnamon wafting through the air. That only was enough to have him climbing down the spiral staircase. He froze mid-step when he reached the bottom when he spotted Erica and Derek in the kitchen. The sight in front of him was pure gold. Erica, still dressed in her pajamas with her hair tied up in a loose ponytail, was mixing eggs with a bright smile that lacked the razor sharp edge and red lips. She looked oddly domestic even with Derek looming by her side as she sang a tune with a fond smile. Derek was next to her cutting up something with an amused expression on his face as he watched her. It was the gentlest Stiles had ever seen him look. There no edge of tension as there usually was between them all and Stiles wondered if Erica noticed it to.

Stiles continued watching for a long time in silence, a soft smile on his lips. They didn’t even seem to notice that he was there as she continued singing and twirling her hips as she poured the mix into the skillet to cook while Derek tossed in the veggies to go with it.

Erica laughed at something Derek said and bumped her hip against his side before shimmying around him, “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. And little man, little Lola wants you.” With those words, Erica took Derek by the hands and tried to coax him into dancing but by the comical expression of shock on his face he was definitely not having it. Much to Stiles’ surprise Derek eventually took her hands and they began mock tangoing across the kitchen with the background music sung being by Erica. Despite her giggling, her voice still rung true and it was beautiful and Derek moved with practiced grace which made Stiles question if he’d done it before.

The scene was out of a movie. If anyone had looked at them then they would see a couple playing around in the kitchen. The thought alone made Stiles’ lip curl for some unknown reason. He didn’t like the thought of Erica with Derek but the fact that Derek looked happy for a moment made him happy. Stiles smiled at the playfulness of it all and congratulated Derek mentally on being able to do that but he also frowned because the feeling of jealousy was seeping into his gut fast. Eager to end this moment and the feeling settling in his gut, he stepped off the steps with an obnoxious yawn and bounded over to the kitchen making them immediately jump apart. Derek went back to watching the eggs and Erica stared at him blankly with several forks in her hand. He met her gaze evenly and she simpered at his reaction.

“Morning.” He yawned, still playing his part. Derek nodded in his direction and scooped the eggs onto a plate pushing them towards the edge of the counter. He was silent as took the plate, brushing past them both, and set it on the table.

Erica tore her eyes away and continued to bring the rest of the food to the table. She set a plate on every spot where the worn down chairs sat just as Boyd and Isaac came down the steps. They mumbled out their morning greetings and plopped down in the chairs. The plates circled around the table until there was barely anything but crumbs left on them. Stiles stayed silent as he ate, mind drifting to his father and away from the small space of the loft.

“So, what are we going to do about the hunters?” Boyd said making them all jump, except for Erica of course.

Derek blinked slowly and Stiles noted the bluish hue littered over his cheeks. He obviously wasn’t at his best and he looked like he needed another good night’s sleep. Before he could breathe a word Erica broke in.

“Well I think they’re gone, for now at least. Boyd and I drove them out, destroyed most of their weapons, disabled a lot of their man power. They are weak right now. They won’t be back any time soon. I could always go check but I just don’t think it’s worth our time especially since they are no longer in our territory.”

Derek sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, “We still need them contained. What if that wasn’t it? They could have back up and we don’t need to be taking any chances. Erica and I will go later to follow the trail. And you all can go pick up some of the bullet casings from the house. We need to know what kind of wolfsbane that was.”

Stiles dropped his fork and chewed the remainder of his eggs before speaking, “Why can’t you all go together? Don’t you need a backup plan if they do have reinforcements? I mean two against a whole bunch of those bullets could be fatal.”

“We can handle it.” Erica stated firmly which made Stiles shrug, “I just think it’d be better that way. No reason for you two to go at it alone.”

“He’s right, it makes sense. We don’t know what we’re walking into.” Stiles made a hand gesture towards Derek that basically said thank you in bold red letters.

Erica nodded towards Derek before turning her gaze onto a more than satisfied Siles, “Green is an awful color on you, Stiles.” She smiled her eyes never leaving his, “Don’t you agree, Isaac?”

Isaac choked on his waffles and Erica cackled as Boyd looked at them as if they had all grown another head,

“I’m surrounded by idiots.” He whispered with a slow shake of his head. Stiles laughed too and tried to seem indifferent as he spared a glance at Derek who thankfully looked lost.

“I don’t want to know.” He shook his head and stood from the table as Erica’s laughing finally ceased and her expression grew solemn. Stiles shifted under her obvious scrutiny and tried his best to look natural even if he felt anything but. As if realizing something her expression softened and she met his gaze knowingly. It was if he was a sheet of glass and she was a pedestrian. Her gaze reached into the very depths of him and stole every hidden thought right from under him.

“Poor, Batman.” She sighed as she cleared away their plates, patting him on the shoulder briefly. He tried his very hardest not to glare at her backside as she retreated.

 

Summer was quickly coming to an end and the dark cloud of the approaching school year began looming over them all. His days would no longer be filled with Erica’s mischief, Boyd’s dry humor, and the presence of warmth in him. Their endless summer was coming to an end. His days seemed shorter as they passed and he tried to balance his time equally. His mornings were spent trailing after Scott through the forest and afternoons learning some of werewolf history from the many charred journals scattered across the loft. If Derek didn’t like him reading them he didn’t mention it and if Scott noticed that he smelled differently he didn’t comment on it. He was happy. Happier than he’d ever been in a long time and it scared him. Stiles didn’t want summer to end and he didn’t want the connections he’d forged to be broken. Instead he spent his days pushing it into the back of his mind and trying to braid Erica’s hair even though he knew he completely sucked at it.

“High school sucks.” He whispers one day during their third time of watching Mean Girls prompted secretly by Isaac, on his laptop. Erica got second pick and Stiles was pretty sure they’d be watching The Dark Knight Rises like they had every other time.

“Not as much as being shot with an arrow.” Derek comments dryly and their heads snap towards the windowsill where he is perched with a book in his lap. He offers a hesitant smile and he can’t help but smile back. They all settle back into their previous positions fairly quickly but his mind stays on the hopeful glint in Derek’s eyes. He can’t get it out of his head. He is pretty sure that it is Derek’s way of trying to empower him and it’s nice. He’s just as honest but now his intentions are well thought out and his heart seems to be in a better place.

This made him even more reluctant to go back. He would miss these little moments. Moments where there didn’t need to be anger and biting remarks. They were all simply people stripped down where the very depths of them began to peek out.

But it came anyway, in a flurry of school supplies and strung out texts from Scott about how he was ever going to be able to face Allison. Stiles couldn’t bring himself to reply as he stared at the ceiling at 3 am knowing well enough that he would have to be up in the next couple of hours. He hears a _ding_ and he groaned reaching blindly for his phone. The screen lights up, blinding him momentarily, and he blinks for a while as the black text becomes visible. Lights still dance in front of his eyes but he can read the message clear as day.

_You’ll be fine, Stiles._

Stiles stares at the message for a long time with a look of disbelief painted across his features. He blinks and drops the phone underneath his pillow. Even though the number isn’t saved he knows exactly who it’s from and he breathes a little easier slipping into slumber not long after.

The next morning he is a blur of flailing limbs as he tries to get ready. He is going to be late, he knows it. He throws on the first pairs of jeans he sees and a blue top that doesn’t even look like something he would wear. He pushes it up slightly and doesn’t even bother trying to fix the mop on his head. He runs downstairs and nearly moans when he sees a plate sat neatly on the counter. Stiles thanks the heavens as he chews the deliciousness laid out in front of him. He literally has the best father, screw anyone that tells him different. I mean he had to have been some type of oracle to have known that Stiles needed this.

He wrote out a quick thank you and stuck it on the fridge with a smile. He was racing up the stairs to grab his backpack when the doorbell rang. He slung it over his shoulder and walked to the door pulling it open with a slightly confused expression. Erica was standing there with her hands on her hips. She looked different to say the least. Her curls were tucked into a braid, a few stray hairs falling over her face, and she wasn’t clad in something skin tight. She wore a black sweater and a pair of acid washed jeans with her normal boots. Her sweater was black with spikes on the shoulders and a bold _NOPE_ written across the chest so still very Erica like. She huffed loudly and he realized he’d been staring for quite a while.

“Sorry uh what…are you doing here?” Her lip curled slightly and she rolled her eyes, “Taking you to school, duh.” She grabbed him by the arm and tugged him firmly. He closed the door behind him and tried not to let his surprise show.

“I kind of thought you guys would come to school and we’d all pretend like the summer never happened.” Erica scoffed and he could tell she was offended by him even saying that. He felt bad for bringing it up even though it was what had been keeping him up at night. He was torn between the fundamentals of high school and the new found friendship he’d found in the members of the dysfunctional pack. In social standards they didn’t fit together but he couldn’t think of a time when had that ever stopped him. Instead, he gave a small smile and waved to the rest of his friends.

Isaac was sitting in the drivers’ seat and Boyd was seated in the back with a half-smile on his face. Isaac shot him a smile over his shoulder and even with his sunglasses on he looked adorable. He slid into the back seat while Erica plopped in the front and started blasting something that sounded very oldie-esque. She was singing to every word and her braid kept swinging when he finally noticed the pattern of it looked different. He had tried enough times in front of the laptop screen to know that it wasn’t a regular braid.

“What kind of braid is that?” He felt like a total idiot asking that but he was curious and he didn’t want to go without knowing, “Oh it’s a fishtail,” she said with a smile, “Derek did it.” She added with a smack of her fuchsia lips and that sent Stiles into immediate silence.

_Jigsaw women with horror movie shoes_

_Be cruel to me cause’ I'm a fool for you_

They arrived at school and Stiles wanted to sink into the leather. He didn’t want to walk into the hell. Boyd nudged him with raised eyebrow and he sighed stepping out of the car. He can tell that Boyd still hasn’t quite warmed up to him completely but they are getting there a lot faster than he thought possible.

They attract quite a few eyes as the file out of the car and Stiles pretends not to notice. He kept his gaze on the ground and shuffled his feet. Erica slid up mussing with his hair and gave him a knowing look,

“Chill, Batman. Here.” She slid her sunglasses out her hair and put them on his face, “You look good so try and feel good or I’ll be forced to make out with you.” Boyd gave her a blank look and shook his head slowly. She shrugged and pulled away moving closer to Boyd while Isaac slid into her place. Isaac swiped the sunglasses off his face and tucked him into the front of his shirt with a smirk,

“Don’t listen to her, alright. You’re allowed to brood.” He slung his arm over his shoulder and maneuvered them away from the whispering couple, “Just don’t slip into a Derek phase.” Stiles laughed the first genuine laugh and it made him feel warm all over. He looked up with a smile and nodded to Isaac trying his best to show that he was feeling better. They parted ways as Isaac went to find his locker and he finally noticed all the people staring. He blinked and shook his head trying not to dwell on it. It was probably just the hair that had everyone looking at him differently. It had grown out significantly over the summer and honestly he didn’t feel the need to cut it for once.

He was at his locker sticking in the last of his stuff Scott came around looking wide eyed, “What the heck was that?” Stiles blinked at him for a moment before he realized what he was thinking of, “Oh! Um…well while you were in summer school I kind of made some friends and Scott I know that you might think I’ve gone loco or whatever but…you should give them a chance. They aren’t as bad as you think.” Scott seemed like he was ready to protest but the bell rung and he gave him a look that said they would talk about it later.

The only thing that signaled the change of classes was the new faces and new stares. The routine was just the same. The same long drawn out explanation of syllabi they could all read on their own because they were fully capable students. _Well most of them were._ Of course, teachers still hadn’t caught the gist of it. That’s how Stiles found himself with his face pressed into his books completely disregarding all that was said. It was only the beginning of senior year and he was already exhausted. He didn’t even care that Greenberg wouldn’t stop throwing paper balls at his head.

He was so tired that he barely reacted to Lydia bumping into him in the hall. He caught a glimpse of Allison’s hesitant smile from beside her and figured that was the only apology he was going to get for getting the crap beat out of him by her crazy grandfather. He shrugged at her and kept it moving. It seems that more than he would have ever liked had changed over the summer. Nothing at all was the same.

He walked into the lunchroom alone and grabbed a tray surprised to find that lunch was actually something edible. Pizza day on a Monday? Unheard of. He took a piece and grabbed an apple plus a bottle of water before leaving the line. The lunch room was still pretty empty so he sat at the first empty table and devoured his piece of pizza. Just as he went to bite into his apple it was swiped from his hands by neatly manicured fingers. Erica took a bite and he rolled his eyes figuring it was no point in arguing as she leaned into Boyd unconsciously. Isaac came afterwards with books stacked in his hands and small stories to tell. Things seemed to be going fine until Scott came over with Allison and Lydia in tow. After that, the air shifted.

“Hey guys,” he waved plastering a smile on his face and Stiles remembers the last time he’d look this uncomfortable. Stiles smiles back and gestures to them as if they haven’t already met. Allison looks uncomfortable under Erica’s sharp gaze and Lydia looks indifferent to the tension around her as they sit down. Scott sits on the opposite side of Allison and he guesses they haven’t had that talk yet.

“So, how was everyone’s summer?” he offers up trying to break the glacier that had formed in a matter of seconds. Lydia flipped her hair and smiled taking the bait,

“Well I went off traveling and wandering a bit whilst Allison was in France _without me_. Such a shame, we could have been tourist-y together. I hear the shopping squares ar-”

“Wow, that’s _awesome_ , Allison.” Allison looks up sharply as does everyone else and finds Erica fingering her braid with a smile. She looks too comfortable and it sets off immediate alarms in Stiles’ head. Her eyes are wide and innocent but Stiles can see past it, “I mean France is amazing from what I hear. Tons of new experiences and new people to explore. Wonderful. I am just _so_ happy for you.”

Allison looks beside herself as she struggles to muster up a response, “Um, thanks?” Stiles shakes his head and tries not to wince at the sharp noise her nails make against the table as she taps it.

“But can I be frank really quick? That’s not what I’m curious about. What I really want to know is if you did any archery?” she pauses and Allison’s smile falters, “I mean surely that is something you must’ve been practicing.”

“Erica.” Stiles warns and she shoots him a smile that no longer shows the false joy but all the malice in her eyes.  

“Did you shoot any arrows into innocent bystan-“

“Erica!”

“Bystanders, that’s the word, yes? Whilst you stumbled doe eyed around the city of lights? I mean you must’ve…”

“Don’t do this, Erica. I know you’re upset” Stiles tried placing his hand over hers and she yanked it away, too far into her intent to see reason.

“You’re pretty into that, aren’t you Allison?” She drawled eyes flashing for a split second with something impossibly feral.

“Erica, stop!” Scott growled eyes flashing gold as Allison stared blankly ahead, completely sober.

“WHY?” She slammed her hand down and stood leaning across the table. Stiles could see the satisfaction ripple across her face as Scott flinched back slightly.

“You all can play dress up and pretend as if nothing ever happened but I won’t. She shot me, and she shot Boyd. And what did you do, Scott? Oh _yeah_ , you don’t care.” she leaned back with a bitter laugh and brushed off the hands that reached out to her, “So you should have nothing to say because you wouldn’t know. I already know what you’re about to say. But you know what I say to _you_ , _Scott_. People die all the time and if that’s her excuse for all she did then it’s pretty shit if you ask me.”

With that she turned on her heel and stormed away taking half of the lunch room’s attention with her. Boyd and Isaac made no move to follow which confused everyone but Stiles. Erica was unreachable when she got this way. They knew that. She would lash out at everyone and the only thing that could really get her calm would be alone time.

“That was pleasant.” Lydia commented as she fixed her lipgloss and they all gave her a look.

“Well, aren’t you going to follow her?” Allison said after a while running a hand through her newly cut hair looking distraught,

Isaac laughed and turned away, “Erica doesn’t need us to coddle her. She can take care of herself. She’ll cool off in time.”

They offered no apology to Allison and it looked as though she wasn’t expecting one. She almost looked sad as she went to gather her things. They sit in silence for while simply contemplating as she goes to move before Scott breaks it, by reaching over to touch Allison’s hand lightly, “I’m sorry, Alli-“ Scott offers before he is cut off with a raised hand and a tired look, “Don’t. I made mistakes, consequences come with those mistakes.” With that she turned and walked away as well Scott’s face dropping with every step she took.

Stiles decides that it’s time for him to cut in, “Well if it makes you guys feel any better I thought this encounter would end in quite a few injuries. I count it as a win.”

Isaac smirks and offers up his fist. Scott taps it with his reluctantly.

Stiles also counts that as a win.

 

The months approaching Christmas passed in a daze. Stiles stayed on top of his school work despite the many distractions being in a pack supplied and he stayed sane. _Win-win_. He could tell his father was proud even if he was a little distant. He worked a lot more and talked a lot less but Stiles didn’t mind as much. He had his friends to talk to if he needed to. He knew that his dad felt as Stiles needed some time to grow and gain his own independence which he was grateful for. He also knew that his dad knew that something was going on that he wasn’t being let in on and it bothered him. He hated lying to his father but he couldn’t risk everyone else.

Scott became a lot less distant and was a lot more open since he’d first found out. He tried his best to understand Stiles which showed how much he’d grown over the summer. He didn’t pretend to be fine with it but he didn’t outright tell him he was wrong. He sat at the lunch table and offered conversation. Stiles would’ve even called them acquaintances on a good day. There was a long way to go but he could see that they were trying.

He was seeing a lot of things lately.

He saw how Boyd got a little sad every time someone mentioned ice skating or festive activities. Isaac did too and it was odd seeing Isaac look so low after looking at that glowing smile for so long. So Stiles kept it to a minimum. The winter formal was approaching fast and that was the only thing he talked about if he talked about anything at all. Seeing the hurt in their eyes and feeling his own was enough to keep him docile.

It wasn’t like Stiles looked forward to it anyways, he knew or at least he thought he knew that no one would ask him. Heather surprised him by coming up to him with a shy smile and a note. She stuck it in the pocket of his hoodie and gave him a look before going off with her friends. Erica had laughed and reached into his pocket reading the note out to the group. Heather was asking him to the dance and he could barely believe it. He still couldn’t believe anyone had asked him even as he typed out his response. _Yes,_ of course. I mean how could he say no? He liked Heather even though he associated her quite a bit with his mom. He tried not to think about too much as he picked out his tie.

Coral was their color and he felt obligated to at least try to color coordinate. Lydia helped with that as she was the only one who knew the difference between coral and salmon. During his fitting, she had given him a look as if she was seeing him for the first time and smiled adjusting his tie,

“You look good, Stiles.” He couldn’t help but smile back, “Thanks, Lydia.”

There was no mistaking the affection he held towards her but if anything it was platonic. He wasn’t sure when it had happened. Maybe it was in between her ramble about his disability in the fashion department but that seemingly everlasting infatuation was gone. The thread was clipped and he had never felt better. He didn’t even acknowledge the possibility that it wasn’t gone just simply transferred onto another being whom he refused to think about. It was his time and he was not going to let himself get caught up in a crush on someone who’d never look at him that way.

The night finally came and he found himself running over all the advice Lydia had given him in the mirror as he fixed his tie. It was slightly crooked so he tilted it just so and sighed happy with his appearance. His hair still didn’t want to do what he felt it needed to but he couldn’t bring himself to care too much. It was winter formal. It was going to get messed up anyways.

“Well look at you.” His father commented as he descended the stairs with a slight smile on his face. They hugged and he could taste the words his father wished to say in the air _. I wish your mother could’ve seen you_. He tightened his hold on his father as if to supply an answer to his question but he didn’t speak. He knew there was no need to, his father would understand just as he did.

The doorbell rang just in time and Stiles blinked rapidly as he came to the door. It was a happy night; he wouldn’t ruin it by crying. He opened it and wasn’t surprised to see Erica standing against the doorway. She was clad in a floor length gown that hugged her body and her hair was in waves over her shoulder. She looked as if she’d jumped straight out of a 50’s pin up girl ad _. Terrifyingly beautiful_. She smirked and tapped his jaw as she passed through. He followed her back blinking at the dress drooped down exposing most of her back.

His father’s eyes widened as she approached and held out a hand introducing herself. He had almost forgotten that they had never met. His father looked vaguely uncomfortable and Stiles couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Isaac came in not too long after with a red bow tie and a satisfied smile. He didn’t ask about Boyd just gave him a smile and welcomed him into his home.

“You’ve got a little something there.” He snorted at the red lipstick smudged on his lips. The look on his face as he tried to wipe it off was enough to put him in an even better mood. They talked, his father asking most of the questions, and waited for Heather and Scott. When they finally arrived they took more pictures than what should have been legal and all climbed into the truck. They played the music a little too loud and screamed along to the lyrics.

I mean what? They’re just kids. I mean who gives a fuck if they want to sing to some shitty top forty song. They should be allowed at least that.

The gym is packed when they arrived and the party is almost in full swing. They don’t bother with refreshments and Heather drags him into the middle of the floor with a smile. Her poofy coral dress whirled all around her as they spun and danced. It was a whirlwind of sweat and lights. It was a lot of fun despite all the downfalls. He smiled and excused himself when she found her friends so he could get some punch. He spotted Isaac and Erica dancing together as he passed. He sighed and shook his head as he noted there wasn’t even a centimeter of space between their two bodies and people around them were staring. Isaac glanced up as if sensing him and winked. Stiles rolled his eyes and went to get his punch. He had downed three cups before he finally made his way through the crowd only to be grabbed by Lydia.

They danced for one song and it was nothing like the last time but it was better in a sense. He smiled when they parted after the song ended and went to try to find Heather. He found her outside the gym doors leaning against the wall. Her face lit up when she saw him and she grabbed him by the hand leading him hurriedly into a classroom.

He barely had time to think before she was on him, kissing him earnestly, as she pushed the door closed with her free hand. It took him a moment but he kissed back grasping at her waist and tugging her impossibly closer. His thoughts were whirring a mile a minute but he tried to shut them out and focus on the fact there is a beautiful girl currently sucking his face off. They were pressed up against the windowsill making out lazily for a while before her hands ventured further. She fingered with his waistband for a minute before sliding her hand in and _that_ definitely felt odd. He tried to ignore it but something was nagging at him. She grabbed him by his tie, effectively erasing all his thoughts, and they stumbled to a desk.

“Oh lord.” He couldn’t help but mumble as she hiked up her dress and climbed into his lap, “You’re thinking too much,” she mumbled against his neck sucking on a particular spot that made him shiver.

 “Sorry.” He gasped when her hand slithered lower once and went into his underwear. There was the nagging sense of wrong there again and he pulled away gasping, “Wait, wait. I can’t…do this.” He panicked grabbing her hand.

“We’re both virgins and we’re both single. I don’t see why not?” she looked slightly hurt as he stood and set her down where she’d kicked her heels.

“I’m sorry…it’s just…there’s this guy.” Her eyes widened and she was immediately tugging down her dress looking disgusted, “You’re gay!”

“Bisexual.” He paused and she was staring at him expectantly so he spilled. He told her every last detail of his infatuation leaving out the werewolves and his age. They were on the floor underneath the windowsill and she was holding his hand by the time he was through spilling his guts. He looked over and she smiled looking sad. He was pretty sure she felt bad for him and the thought alone made him feel worse. He was fucked, he knew that.

“You should tell him. At least then you’ll know whether or not you’re wasting your time. Pining isn’t cute. I should know.” The last part had a bitter prick to it and he felt bad.  He had poured all of his problems onto her and she was trying to have sex with him no less than 20 minutes ago. Stiles leaned over and kissed her cheek hoping to gain a smile. She smiled and nodded in understanding then helped him to stand.

They walked into the gym together and went their separate ways. She shot him a thumbs up as she walked away and he couldn’t help but smile back. With that, he went off to find his group. Scott was pressed awkwardly between Isaac and Erica while Lydia filmed from the side.

“Hey, guys, can I take the truck? I’ll be right back.”

“Sure.” Isaac smiled dropping the keys in his hands, “Not a scratch alright?”

“Got it.”

The drive was longer than it should have been as his mind kept running a mile a minute and every time he turned on the stereo it blared R U MINE? He was sure that was God’s way of laughing at him and his problems. He arrived too slow and too fast all at the same time. He’d had no time to think about what he was going to say or do. He was afraid. He took slow measured steps up the steps until he came to the door. He went to knock but Derek was already yanking it open looking worried. He reached out placing his hands on Stiles’ shoulders and searched his eyes,

“I could hear your heart. What’s wrong? Where is Erica and Isaac? Are they hurt?”

Stiles was staring blankly and Derek was so close. One of those gentle looks of worry was directed at him and he wasnt' sure whether to kiss him or cry. His eyes were crystal clear and his gaze was soft. He cared. Stiles tried to form words but he couldn’t function. He couldn’t even stop his heart from pounding in his ears. He tried his best to formulate a response but all he could muster was,

“I-I-I,” Derek looked exasperated now, “ _Tell me_ , Stiles.”

So he did. The only way he knew how. He surged forward and kissed him. His mind was clear for a moment and he felt as though he could whisper his feelings as easy as a prayer. His feelings were tangible and beautiful. He had no shame or fear. It was perfect. For a beat he was lost with his hand fisted in the cotton of Derek’s t-shirt kissing him mindless. And my god Derek was kissing him back or at least it felt as if he was.

His mind finally caught up though and he was pulling away so fast that he landed on his butt. Derek was staring at him openly, looking like a lost child as he stood there his lips red and eyes clouded with confusion. They stayed in silence like that for a few moments before Derek opened his mouth to speak.

“Wha-?”

Stiles couldn’t bear to face the rejection that would soon follow so he scrambled up with the last of his dignity and took off. He jumped into the truck and drove away feeling the crushing shame creep up. He’d attacked him and that was the worst part. He’d made a fool of himself and taken advantage of Derek.

“Stupid.”

 

No one questioned his sudden need for space and he didn’t offer up any explanations. He tried to come around sparingly so he wouldn’t have to meet Derek’s gaze. The gaze still clouded with questions he didn’t want to answer. He smiled and pretended it had never happened. Every time he came around he was sarcastic and boisterous like he always was. Almost as if nothing had changed. But they were werewolves and he wasn’t that good at hiding his feelings so they picked it up rather quickly. Erica was the only brave to ask anything and even then she couldn’t coax out the answers.

 Soon enough, his visits went from sparing to seldom and he spent most of his time doing his homework. Even Scott time got cut and everyone knew how that went over. Scott pouted all the time looking like a sad puppy as he dragged his feet but he didn’t question it. For that, he was grateful.

Stiles kept himself surrounded by literature that he had seen in Derek’s library which was really just a bunch of boxes hidden in the loft. He’d found it on accident but Derek didn’t mind so much. He let him borrow a few and since then he’d been reading. It was like having a piece of Derek almost which helped him stay away when he felt weakened by want. The books were littered with highlighted passages and annotations galore. It was interesting, to say the least. Reading Derek’s annotations were like diving into his mind. Derek had strong opinions and obviously thought out reasoning. It almost felt like an invasion of privacy but if he couldn’t get close to the real thing then he’d settle for his neat script along the edges of the pages.

It’s unhealthy the way he is acting. He is selfish, he knows but he wants to read more. Wants to know and touch without breaching the barriers he’d created. He sees the notes in reference to his family. Little notes with smudged ink like he’d crying. ‘ _Laura would hate this._ ’ The pages are crumpled there like he’d tried to erase it and it makes him wonder. Curiosity is crushing him.

“You’re pathetic.”

He jumps half a foot in the air flailing and making books fly everywhere. Erica sat on his windowsill looking unimpressed by the display. His heart is still beating out of his chest when she came to sit cross legged on the edge of his bed. She gave him an unimpressed look and picked up one of the books that hadn’t been flung in his fit. She read a few pages before she laughed out loud.

“Oh I thought you were bad but no, this is _sad_.” He glared, but it held no malice, as he swiped the book from her hands, “Hop off.”

“Gladly, if you promise to hop on.” She didn’t let him respond she simply pressed on, “Derek won’t tell us but I’m pretty sure I already know and I wish you’d stop being a coward. I told you to keep your promise but you’re backing out so quickly. How can you? Isaac is sad, Derek is brooding, and Boyd doesn’t really care but the point is that…you broke your promise.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Just…stop being an asshole. Scott misses you and I don’t like him enough to deal with his whining.”

Stiles laughed, “I can do that.” Erica smiled and leaned over giving him a hug that gave him more pain than comfort,

“You better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the people who stuck around and showed me all of this love.
> 
> So one part? Yes sir.
> 
>  _Side note_ : I appreciate all the comments I can get and it makes me happy to know that people are enjoying what I write. If you have constructive criticism that is more than welcome since I know I have areas where I can improve and would love help in doing so. Thanks again, so much
> 
> Comment and subscribe, if you dig.


	3. p a r t  t h r e e .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles makes more mistakes, keeps secrets, and does a little fixing.

_p a r t  t h r e e ._

Stiles was nervous, his foot tapping erratically as he wrung his hands out repeatedly, his thoughts going a mile a minute as he wondered what in the world was he doing. He stood at the large door of the loft on the designated movie night—he could hear that Mean Girls was playing, of frickin course—with a humongous bag of sour patch kids and a hopeful smile. When the door opened he was surprised to see Isaac standing there looking oddly blank compared the months of boastful expressions he’d encountered from him. Isaac regarded him silently for a few moments, a guarded look in his eyes. Stiles continued to straddle the line between full blown panic and simply a nervous wreck. Just when he was about to open his mouth and ramble about how sorry he was Isaac held up a hand his eyes going soft.

Without a word, he stepped aside allowing him to enter with a slight nod. Relief made his shoulders drop as the tension in them dissipated and he nodded stepping forward. He was surprised when he felt a hand brushing over the back of his neck as he passed but he said nothing not wanting to betray his emotions to the group. Erica smirked at him when he dropped the candy in her lap and brushed her hand over his forearm. Boyd did the same albeit extremely reluctantly and Stiles knows that he may be in good with the others but Boyd won’t be so easy. He expects a fourth hand to brush against his shoulder but he is disappointed when it doesn’t happen, prompting him to glance around to an empty room. It wasn’t that he had expected anything different but Derek’s absence hurts. Silently, he wonders if he’s hiding out in his room to avoid confrontation.

He settles down into the couch and Erica lays her head on his shoulder, answering all his questions without them being voiced,

“Derek’s been gone for a couple of days…off following the trail of what he believes to be an Alpha pack. They left markings on the territory of a pack in Georgia and hunters have been talking. It’s most likely a myth, or somebody playing a bad trick. You shouldn’t worry too much.”

Stiles mind immediately went to an image of a bunch of guys like Peter running around calling themselves a pack and shuddered.

“An Alpha Pack? That’s comforting.” He stated sarcastically, pulling at his hair absentmindedly. A nervous tick he’d developed after letting it grow too long. He was full of those, little ticks and quirks, utterly human. A human with emotions, and he was full of one in particular. One that some claimed they were devoid of, whilst others kept it hidden under wraps. Still, it was unavoidable given the harsh reality of life.

 _Fear_.

Fear for Derek that was just as potent as the fear of him and everything that was bound to unfold upon his return. But for now he could relax, as he pretended to be blissfully naïve to the storm lurking overhead, and enjoy the movie.

They were snickering along to the events leading up to Regina’s demise via public transportation when the door slid open. Isaac fumbled with the keys to pause the movie and they all turned away from the laptop screen, reluctantly in Stiles’ case. Derek looked beaten down and tired. There was no assertiveness oozing from him only exhaustion accompanied by something that felt strangely like obligation.

This was the man with the weight on his shoulders that would keep pushing, and building up empires until he couldn’t anymore. Derek took one look at the scene, made a few gestures with his hands, and disappeared up the steps without so much as glancing at Stiles. He guessed that he deserved that with all that had happened and all the promises he’d broken. Erica pinched his side and he bit back a yelp, rearing around to protest to see her glaring at him meaningfully. _Talk to him_ , she mouthed and he looked away not wanting to confirm nor deny.

Determined to break the awkwardness that had fallen over them he offered a tight smile and what he hoped was a funny jab, “Well at least he’s not in pieces.”

Boyd rolled his eyes, but even in the dark he could see his lips curling up slightly at the corners. He counted that as a win.

“I’m going to go talk to him.” He said a few minutes later, determined to make things right, and stood up from the couch. As he walked up the steps he caught sight of them all piled on top of each other completely engrossed in the movie with their hands intertwined and sighed softly. He wished that his feelings could be as fluid as theirs but that wasn’t possible. He hovered at the top of the steps unsure if he should approach Derek who was sitting with his back to him.

“Derek?”  

“What, Stiles?” His tone wasn’t hostile, as he’d expected, just tired.

“It’s just about the other night when I- y’know. I wanted to know if-”

Derek turned his head, meeting his gaze head on, with his eyebrow arched upwards expectantly. Stiles froze for a moment, scenarios running through his head about every possible response that Derek could meet his next words with. There could be tears if it went wrong, tears he didn’t want to face if possible. So, he did the most logical thing he could think of; he faked it. Werewolves knew when you were lying but if he stayed close to the truth then Derek wouldn’t be able to tell. He smiled awkwardly, and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, trying his hardest to appear nonchalant.

“Stiles-“

 “No! It was a mistake to come at you that way…I mean…you and I? Crazy, right? I’m yeah…I just wanted to tell you that so it wouldn’t be weird. It’s not weird is it?”

 “No, it’s fine.” Derek said slowly as the words were actually paining him, an indistinguishable emotion flashing in his eyes before it was gone and he was nodding along. Stiles breathed a sigh of relief and tried not to think of how those words tasted like acid when they left him. With another forced smile pasted onto his face, he smiled and bowed out of the space practically stumbling down the steps. When he sat down in his space again Erica was staring at him incredulously. He blinked back offering her a sour patch kid which she promptly smacked out of his hand looking absolutely done.

“I can’t with any of you.” She huffed exasperatedly, before pushing up from the couch and disappearing up the steps. Isaac patted his shoulder and shot him a pitying look and he was sure if he were to look at Boyd he’d be looking the same way.

“I don’t know what’s going on here.” He stated honestly, feeling like the term pack didn’t quite apply to the situation when he felt so cut off.

“Don’t worry about it.” Boyd sighed, the first words he’d spoken all night and they sounded like they were the last thing he wanted to say. He looked about ready to throttle him but instead he just tapped his fist against Isaac’s thigh, “Erica just worries about everyone. Especially those of us who aren’t the best at saying what they _mean_.”

The last word was dripping with double meaning and Stiles suddenly felt like he’d done something really wrong even if he didn’t know what.

Moving on, and forgetting became the norm in his life. They fell back into routine fairly quickly with Derek refusing to talk about his trip to Georgia and Stiles avoiding being alone with him all together. It all worked out. There was no word of any Alpha pack but there were wendigos, who apparently weren’t at all like he’d imagined from the legends he’d read. Stiles went back to being just as open at the lunch table, Scott continued to straddle the line between pack member and ally, and they did their best to keep everything supernatural under wraps. So that meant keeping Lydia in the know but never actually involving her.

Which meant cancelling plans that had been made a week in advance in favor of chasing their newest creature of the week which made Lydia very unhappy. For a few days, they were met with cold stares and the pointed shift in her place in the lunch room. Lydia had grabbed the table farthest away from them and pointedly moved her bag when they’d tried to come join her. Allison had shot them a look that was meant to be apologetic but in the end, just looked sad. So, they were a pack with a bunch of loose ends that didn’t look like they’d be tied up anytime soon.

Until, that wasn’t the case anymore.

Stiles was sleeping peacefully, in that deep kind of sleep where your body gets really heavy and your thoughts feel like clouds. It was the best sleep he’d had in months since after the whole Kanima and getting beat up by an old man incident. So, of course, his phone just had to start beeping incessantly and drag him up out of his cloudlike haze. Stiles isn’t allowed to have nice things.

 **From Lyds** : _GET OVER TO THE WAREHOUSE CLUB ASAP_

 **To Lyds** : _it is 3am_

 **From Lyds** : _ASAP STILINSKI_

 **To Lyds** : _I hate you so much_

He glared at his phone and climbed out of bed, not even feeling up to changing out of his sweatpants and t-shirt. He splashed some water on his face and walked to his dad’s room happy, for once, to find it empty. Sneaking out would’ve been impossible and explaining why he was leaving so late would’ve been a serious pain. When  he went back to grab his keys he saw that his phone was lighting up repeatedly and groaned knowing he couldn’t ignore it. It had been his idea to create the pack group chat but now looking at the 30+ messages he’d received in a matter of minutes, he wasn’t so sure if that had been such a wise decision. He scrolled down, going past the key smashing to the most recent messages and squinted.

 **From Scotty** : _LYDIA TEXTED ME, I THINK SHE’S GONNA MURDER US_

 **From Scotty** : _SHE’S REALLLYYYY ANGRY_

 **From Catwoman** : _Did you run over her dog or smth_

 **From Isaac** : _???? I’m really confused_

 **From Boyd** : _I hate all of u_

**_To All_ ** _: Just get to the warehouse you guys. Lydia knows how to create bombs._

Stiles was the last to pull into the parking lot where he could see the rest of the gang was posted up not looking happy. Stiles walked up, hands stuffed deep in his pockets in what he hoped was nonchalance, only to gasp loudly and stumble back a few steps. The sight was grotesque. A man’s chest was completely ripped open, slash marks permanently etched into his skin. He had a mark on his chest but Stiles didn’t know what it meant. He just knew he didn’t want to puke in front of everyone.

Lydia was looking down at the body like it was a normal occurrence, like she’d been dealing with these types of things her entire life. Her phone was still clutched in her right hand and surprisingly enough Danny stood beside her looking just as unaffected.

Stiles was the first to speak, sputtering through his surprise, “What the-”

Fury flashed in those eyes he used to be so enthralled with, “I have been having nightmares and showing up on crime scenes for weeks with no explanation as to why. I RAN _NAKED_ IN THE WOODS! Everyone already thinks I’m a total freak and you all smell like death like literal death so don’t you start with me, Stilinski. Not when you all have been trying to shelter me which is ridiculous, by the way. I watched Jackson turn from a really slimey lizard into himself whilst being terrified over the fact that he may choose to slit my throat. Now I’m finding dead bodies? This is like icing on the fucking cake. I hate Beacon Hills. As for Danny, well, he knows basically everything.”

Stiles shot the group incredulous look, which was met by a shrug on Erica’s part.

“You guys don’t really know how to whisper…plus it _is_ Beacon Hills.” Danny offered hesitantly, before shrugging not a hint of a smile on his dimpled dace. Stiles really didn’t have a rebuttal for that. Everything was silent for a moment aside from the insistent buzzing of the flies around the body.

Erica was the one to break it, “So, what should we do with him?”

Boyd looked scandalized, “ _Erica_!”

“What? I’m just saying. I mean, come on, a bunch of teenagers just happen to find a dead body and huddle around like some freaky cult waiting for the police. That’s bound to raise some eyebrows. Plus, it’s past that stupid curfew. Either we skip out or we I don’t know…bury him.”

“I…didn’t sign up for this.” Isaac mumbled rubbing a hand over his face.

Weeks passed, bodies continued to pop up all over town with the same odd mark etched into their skin in various places. Stiles would sneak over, grab the case files from his dad’s desk to take a quick picture, and send it to the rest of the group. Lydia wanted to be included in everything.  So teamed up to research together still finding nothing but vague leads and folk tales they wanted nothing more than to forget.

“Well I got her some shoes and that jacket she’s been talking about forever. The denim one with studs and the words on the back…yeah, man. Lydia got patches she’s gonna sew on, make it look punk or something she thinks Erica will like.”

The mall was buzzing with activity, some that he was glad to get away from. With all the sounds, smells, and flashy things Stiles could’ve gotten lost in there forever which wasn’t his goal. His goal was to get Erica’s gift and leave as quickly as possible. But, of course, he’d gotten distracted by the perfume counter and he’d gotten coaxed into trying every new scent. It took all his self-control but he managed to leave the mall and make his way to the car keys hanging off his index finger.

“ _Do you think she’ll be mad if I get her socks_?”

“Isaac, you asshole.” He snorted goodheartedly and he could hear Isaac’s exasperated sigh that was no doubt accompanied by a shrug of his shoulders. With a small snort, Stiles got into his car and started the engine knowing that Isaac wasn’t going to reveal that he was struggling with her gift. Isaac and Erica were obviously the closest in the group being that they were the first of Derek’s betas and whatever else they were. Stiles tried not to think about too much.

“You know her better than all of us so you shouldn’t worry so much. She’ll love anything you get her except for socks. Don’t get her socks.”

“Fine!”

Stiles would’ve laughed if his heart hadn’t nearly jumped out of his chest as he caught sight of a woman just as he was beginning to pull out. She staggered for a moment and then fell out of sight. He tossed his phone aside and jumped out hurriedly remembering a similar situation he’d been in with Derek. Except, this girl didn’t look like she was dying just defeated.

“I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

Stiles approached the shivering woman, with tears pouring down her face and was surprised to see blood dripping down her knees where— _yep_ , those were full blown claws—she’d sprouted something not so human. He took off his jacket and draped it across her careful to shield the claws from view. She looked up at him and her lack of control was written all over her face, accompanied with such sadness that his heart tugged painfully. He helped her to her feet and rubbed her shoulders, trying to seem oblivious to the stares that were receiving from the mall goers who’d stopped to see what they were doing.

“I’m going to take you to my car, is that okay?” For a moment, she froze tears gathered in her eyes before she nodded slowly. Reluctance to trust him was painted clear as day across his face but she also didn’t have many choices. Somebody from the sidelines would be itching to call 911 if they didn’t get out of here and he didn’t know how she would explain full blown claws. It was either him or the group that had gathered around ready to pick her apart. She was fairly pretty even with tear stained cheeks with long chocolate brown hair, and eyes to match but something wasn’t settling right with him. He ignored it in favor of helping her into his car and he breathed out when they were safely shut inside. For a moment, he let the silence settle, but then she let out a particularly loud sob and he couldn’t anymore.

“What’s your name?” He said quietly, fingers finding purchase on the top of the steering wheel. A way to ground himself.

“K-Kali.”

“Did you lose your pack, Kali?”

She looked surprised for a moment as she shrunk into herself but he met her inquisitive gaze with a level one trying not to give her a reason to doubt his sincerity.

After a few beats of silence, she offered a soft response, “Someone _murdered_ my pack. How did you know?”

“I know the look and I know how it is.”

The look of someone who’d just watched their world burn, who’d left reasoning at the graves of the ones they loved, and who’d forgotten how to love themselves. That look of someone desperate and lost. His eyes fluttered closed and he was met with eyes he couldn’t put with a specific color clouded with anger. He knew that no matter what he wouldn’t be able to turn her away. Not when her story hit so close to home even if it wasn’t his.

“Take me to your alpha.” He could hear her intake of breath, loud in the silence of the moment, “ _Please_.”

Ignoring the feeling in his gut that he should call Derek, he stamped on the gas pedal and raced off ignoring every traffic law all while hoping to god his father wouldn’t pull him over. They arrived at the loft in record time and he helped out of the car before leading her upstairs noting the way she ran her hand over the wall. He thought it was peculiar but it was even more peculiar to see Erica jump up into fighting stance as soon as he pushed open the door. Her eyes were glowing golden and he didn’t understand until he realized that Kali was no longer standing behind him. She was inching forward, hands up in surrender.

“Maybe I should have called first.” He laughed weakly, gesturing to Kali, and Erica growled her claws coming out with an audible swipe.

“She’s a wolf.” Erica cried furiously, still rocking on her heels as she visibly debated whether she should attack or not.

“I know, I know.”

“You _know_? You brought an Alpha into our territory knowingly? What the fuck?”

“Wait—what?”

 There was no time to think because Kali had already stepped forward launching herself into an aerial down the steps and right into battle with Erica. Before Stiles could even blink she had Erica, who was staring at him betrayal written all over her face, in some sort of hold around her neck and then she twisted. It was silent for a moment but the sound it made as she fell to ground, motionless, was deafening. All of that happened just in time for Derek to race from wherever he’d been, as if he’d sensed the distress which if he thought about it made a lot of sense.

“Stiles, get away from her.”

Seeing Derek fully wolfed out and seething at the image of Erica lying there motionless left no room for argument. He backed up against the door and tried to open it but it was locked somehow. He’d been set up.

“Really?” Kali smirked, wiping her face, and Stiles’ blood went cold. He’d seen that predatory look in someone eyes before, the last time he’d been offered the bite and Peter was tripped up on power. Her eyes glowed that familiar deranged red and before he could say a thing she had her hand around his throat. “All it took was a few tears and a shiver to get you to let your guard down. I thought it’d take a bit more than that. But all flaws aside, _thanks kid_ , you were a big help.”

She lifted him as if he weighed nothing and launched him across the room. He crumpled against the wall, curling inwards on himself as he tried not to cry when he heard a crack He hissed when he tried to sit up, and immediately fell back down. His arm was most definitely broken. He’d fucked up. God, he’d fucked up so bad. Now, he could only watch helplessly as Derek fought against her. They were evenly matched, or so it seemed, claws flying as they roared angrily. Until, she tugged a pipe out from the ceiling and smacked him across the face with it. He couldn’t help the whimper he let out as Derek slid across the floor on his stomach.

Kali walked like a predator, back arched and head tilted up, as she approached Derek rearing back to kick him in the side when he tried to stand. “Pathetic. I expected more of a fight. Pft…and you call yourself an Alpha.”

For a moment, he thought she was simply going to leave him there but then she twirled the pipe in her grasp something maniacal in her gaze. **_No_** , he wanted to scream furiously but his voice wouldn’t work and neither would his body. He could only watch horrified as the pipe passed through his back, into the floor. Kali seemed satisfied when he slumped down gasping into the concrete floor face twisted in agony. She brushed her hair out of her face and stepped over his shivering body, leaving him staked in place as blood pooled around him.

Kali dropped to her knees in front of him, blocking Derek from his view, and brushed her hand over her face where he realized it was wet. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying but here she was wiping them all away like a caring mother and not some sociopathic bitch.

“Night, night.” She cooed tightening her grip on his throat and his vision went cloudy. He tried to grab at her fingers but he was just so tired. He glanced over to Derek whose face was pressed against the floor, face contorted in pain as he convulsed around the pipe. Their gazes locked and Derek didn’t look at him with betrayal like Erica. His gaze was a lot more sad and full of another emotion he couldn’t decipher with his oxygen supply being cut off.

He wanted to be strong enough to but he was human and all around pathetic. There was something there inside of him that felt powerful but he couldn’t quite reach it. He tried to focus inside of him and project whatever it was outward but it evaded him like the last grains of sand falling as you realized you’d ran out of time. The feeling disappeared and he’d never felt so weak as his vision grew foggy. He could hear Derek saying something before he went under but it felt like there was cotton stuffed in his ears.

The darkness was no comfort. It was like being stuck in the middle of the ocean in the wake of a storm, the waves unyielding and strong all around him. He was just like a rag doll being tossed to and fro as he scrambled helplessly just to stay alive. He fought the urge to sink down underneath the waves and find out if there really is peace in drowning. He fought so hard, and it felt like forever before his muscles tired. He felt himself sinking as the water calmed and just before it all stopped he felt someone pull him out of it. He wished they hadn’t.

“Stiles, come on.” He could hear someone saying frantically, Boyd from the sounds of it, even seemingly frantic he sounded eerily calm. He cracked an eye open and he caught a glimpse of white walls before he closed them abruptly again. His head hurt like hell but the rest of his body felt numb and heavy. Morphine, he suspected.

“Why am in the hospital?”

“You broke your arm, dumbass, and we wanted to make sure you weren’t concussed. Mrs. McCall covered for us.”

Another voice chimed in, and he sighed softly realizing that it was just Isaac. He tried again to open his eyes and looked around the room. Scott was asleep, sprawled awkwardly over the chair, Boyd was staring at Scott with an exasperated look, and Isaac stood stoically by his bedside staring at him with soft eyes.

“Erica?” He breathed out, his voice barely a whisper from not using it.

Isaac froze, eyes going glassy, before he looked away sharply, “I-I don’t know. She wasn’t healing.” Stiles swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat as he realized he was the reason for Isaac looking that way. He opened his mouth to say something, apologize, anything but nothing came out.

“Go on, man. I’ll explain.” Boyd slid up beside him and squeezed his shoulder, and Isaac left the room quickly but Stiles caught the way his shoulders were shaking.

“You’ve been out for a day. The Alpha…she was here for a reason. It had something to do with Derek, though, but until he’s healed we can’t be sure since he isn’t talking too much. Look, Stiles, don’t be too hard on yourself about this. You thought you were doing the right thing by bringing her. She lied to you. Don’t beat yourself up about this.”

Stiles blinked twice, as the silence stretched on, unsure how exactly to react to that. Stiles was convinced that he was some sort of empathy or mind reader since he hadn’t spoken a word. His emotions couldn’t be that plain, could they? But, also, that was the most he’d ever heard Boyd say at one time.

“Thanks, Boyd. I’ll be okay.” It was a lie, he knew Boyd knew that but he didn’t comment on it. Just shot Stiles a look of understanding and left the room.

It turned out that Kali was connected to Derek in particularly to his little trip to Georgia. He’d went there searching for an Alpha pack and found one. Kali had been amongst them and they took interest in Derek. With the weight of the Hale name in the supernatural world it was unsurprising that they had followed him home but it had just been her. The motive for her actions was still unclear as she had escaped but they at least knew the reason.

Stiles caught a glimpse of Erica the following weak looking pale, tucked under Isaac’s arm with Boyd’s hand on the small of her back, as she trudged through the hallway. He’d checking in via text but he hadn’t actually visited her. He’d been worried that she wouldn’t want to him see him but she’d squashed that with a simple text. It should’ve made him feel better but instead it made him feel worse. Erica treating him as if he hadn’t been at fault made it even more obvious that he was. He was the one who allowed her in, he had all but served the pack up on platter, and it nearly cost two people he cared about their lives. He couldn’t forget that. So, this time when he began pulling away he was a little more subtle.

He came to pack meeting sarcastic as ever, took notes, flashed smiles, and left with books underneath his arm. He started his own journal compiled with information on every supernatural creature the Hales ever logged with illustrations included. He created maps, researched places, and marked up supernatural hot spots. He knew he was going to do something big he just wasn’t exactly sure yet. He wanted to not be useless and this way he could be.

He began taking self-defense classes from an actual instructor instead of letting Boyd and Isaac beat him up all the time. They supported him and he almost felt bad that he was lying. He wasn’t doing it for pack purposes; he was being selfish now and doing it for himself. Plus, it was an excuse to get out of spending more time with the pack but more so Derek. He was the only who seemed to pick up on the odd manner in which Stiles was acting. He never actually said anything but if the knowing looks he shot him were anything to go by then he knew.

The last few months of school passed quickly. A blur of finals, operation: supernatural, and pack. All his plans were in motion already and he was all set to leave right after graduation. It had all come together right before prom which was great because Lydia and Erica refused to let anyone miss what they’d been planning. They all ended up going to prom as a big group with all the girls wearing red full length gowns looking like models. They all wore tuxes with carnations pinned onto their coats and posed awkwardly in front of Lydia’s house. It seemed corny, matching the way they were, and people stared but Lydia was happy so that was all that mattered. It was the best night.

He danced with Allison—laughing when she refused to do anything other than sway from side to side---then ended up sandwiched between Lydia and Erica which of course was not at all unpleasant. Boyd had refused his offer to tango but Isaac was more than happy to dance across the floor laughing freely before Danny cut in. Lydia and Scott ended up as Prom royalty, which was a surprise to no one, and they danced in the circle to an entirely too slow song while Scott tried not to step on her toes. Stiles watched with a smile on his face as Isaac, Boyd, and Erica pushed their way into the middle and grinded awkwardly against the couple with Allison reluctantly in tow.

They looked happy.

“Stilinski, get your ass over here!”

Erica had demanded when they stopped dancing and somehow they’d all squeezed into the photo booth in the corner. They took an unhealthy amount of pictures so they could all have copies and went home high on endorphins.

Stiles turned the strip of photos over in his hands a couple of times and sighed. Erica was grinning as Isaac and Boyd pressed a kiss to either cheek, Lydia was frozen in mid eye roll, and Allison and Scott seemed lost in each other smiling widely. As for him, the top of his head and the wholly misplaced peace sign that he’d tried to make was all that the camera caught. In another his face was frozen in horror as he nearly fell mid-picture. He tucked the picture into his back pocket and tore the graduation cap from his head.

“We did it.” He said to no one in particular.

The alert going off on his phone that signaled his last day in Beacon Hills mocked him as he drove over to the loft. It was decorated in white lights with those fake candles in every window. Lydia had went overboard but no one seemed to mind. They were happy to lay together underneath all the artificial lighting. They exchanged yearbooks (“You are attractive to gay boys.” Is written in red on the last page), stories, and tears as they realized that their high school career was over. When Stiles sobbed into Erica’s shoulder it wasn’t because she had just said that she “loved him more than Batman” it was because he was about to give this all up. He’d never wake up to Isaac drooling again, Boyd wouldn’t shove him when he did something stupid anymore, Scott wouldn’t be able to play video games with him anymore, and Lydia wouldn’t be there to help him with his math homework. He was going to miss it so much.

As he was getting ready to head out, a hand on his shoulder stops him. He turned and Derek was standing there in a red shirt. His manages to force his face to remain impassive despite the thundering of his heart but Derek seems to be pointedly ignoring it. He would’ve made a comment about his predominantly monochrome wardrobe or teased him about wearing his favorite color but he didn’t. He didn’t feel like he had the right plus he was exhausted and ready to be away from the suffocating guilt.

“Are you alright?” Derek’s eyes were as soft as he’d ever seen them and Stiles’ words get caught in his throat. He wanted to tell him everything about how he felt, his plans, and how he couldn’t go to sleep anymore without dreaming of him.

Instead he settled for,

 “Yeah! I’m fine.”

He knew Derek could hear the lie in his words but he didn’t say anything. His lips turned down further but he just grasped the back of Stiles’ neck and nodded. They stayed that way for a while with him staring wide eyed as Derek touched him for the first time in months.

Then, finally, he sighed and released him with a resigned,

“Congratulations, Stiles.”

He should’ve come clean right then. It would’ve been so easy. Instead he squeaked out his thanks and disappeared out the door knowing that he wasn’t coming back.

He planned to leave at 4 a.m. and get an early start. He spent an hour going back and forth from his car with boxes in hand thanking God his father got the night shift. The only thing that was left was stuff he’d wanted to keep on his wall. He took the picture of his mom down along with the various Stars Wars posters that he had scattered around. The journals were second, since he wanted to be able to find them easily. It was selfish keeping private parts of Derek with him when he couldn’t even give up the most private parts of himself. The photo album was last, a compilation of his entire life until now complete with graduation pictures. He flipped it open snorting at the image of Erica in pajamas with a green mask on her face wrestling with Isaac. He’d been so wrapped up in looking at the pictures that he didn’t even notice the soft plant of feet on his floor.

“You can’t just leave.”

Stiles froze dropping the photo album into the box and stepping in front of it. He glanced towards the window, which he had left open, the curtains billowing in the wind and cursed. He stared at Derek who was still standing in the middle of his room rigid with what looked to be anger. He attempted to think his words over, he couldn’t lie because Derek would sense it but he could just avoid it all together until he could get him to leave. That seemed to be his only choice as he couldn’t think of any other way around it.

“Look Derek I don’t think you un-”

Derek held up a hand eyes flashing red momentarily as he obviously struggled with control,

“Don’t lie to me. I already know what you’re planning. I could sense it…I could sense your distance, your tie in the pack weakening. Even when you kissed me and ran away---keeping your distance for so long---it stayed strong so I knew…I just could tell. You weren’t even going to say goodbye.”

Stiles’ mouth opened and closed for a few moments, “I-I-I,” he blew out a breath realizing there was no way around it, “Would you have let me leave either way?”

Derek sobered before he laughed bitterly, “No, and I still do not want you to. I don’t know why you’re doing this but I’m sure we can help you, we’re all a team.”

“You can’t help me.”

Derek growls out in frustration and suddenly he’s crowding Stiles against the wall, “I could smell it…the distress….all over you. I thought it was just graduation jitters but it’s more. Just tell me, Stiles, I can help you.”

Stiles shook his head trying to wriggle out of the embrace. His body was already responding wanting more of whatever Derek was willing to give and needing that closeness. He couldn’t give into this, he knew that. He was doing this for the good of everyone and even if they didn’t see that now surely they would, in time. He pushed a little more against his chest trying to shove him off but Derek is insistent.

“We can he-“

“No, no you fucking can’t Derek. You can’t. It’s not your choice. I have to do this for me and…” _For you_. He left the words unsaid but the implication was there hanging in the air and reflecting in his eyes. There was no denying what he felt because he’d just laid it out, poured his heart open, without saying hardly anything.

“You can’t just leave.” His tone is broken and confused like he can’t even fathom how Stiles could be thinking of the possibility. It’s just like the night that Stiles kissed him then later decided flight was much better than confrontation. His eyes are just as broken as his voice and it shocked him because of how open, and honest they look. It makes him breathe out shakily and all he wants to do is hold Derek forever. The words are like knives cutting away the last bit of resolve he had left. Then Derek does something even worse. He gets a determined look in his eye and shifts closer burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Stiles is on the brink of hyperventilation as he stands there, simply allowing him to do so. He is in shock. He’s longed for this for so long that it seems that turning it away is an impossible task. Derek seems perfectly content snuffling his neck and murmuring unintelligible words against his skin. It doesn’t feel at platonic but Stiles can’t think anything but because hope is very dangerous. Derek pulls away after a few moments, eyes a little bit wilder than they had been before, and he breathes easily for a second. Stiles looks away sharply fearing that the look in his eyes will be his final undoing.

“Please,” Derek repeats the word like a prayer as his nose glides up the side of his neck, “You can stay, you don’t have to leave. Stay here…with me.” There is only a second of hesitation before Derek is kissing him. The kiss is soft and tentative but it feels like he’s holding back. Stiles realizes that he is waiting for him to respond. His mind had been so caught in the fact that Derek frickin’ Hale was kissing him that his body was simply rigid. Derek pulls away slowly eyes fluttering and the look in his eyes is pure want. Stiles sputters for a moment unsure how to approach this since he’d only ever seen this happen in his dreams but hell even deam Derek pales in comparison to real Derek.

“I- Wha- You ju-,” he pauses to breathe, “You just kissed me.”

Derek nods his gaze unwavering as he cups Stiles’ face in his hands, “Stay.”

Stiles nodded numbly unable to speak or respond coherently to this new development. He had millions of question to ask Derek but for now he knew he had to stay in the moment. He leaned forward hesitantly as if Derek would slip through his fingers and pressed their lips together. It started off clumsy. Stiles couldn’t quite figure out where to place his hands so they ended up being fisted in his shirt. But Derek was patient. He steadied a slightly, over eager Stiles with a hand on the back of his neck and all the clumsiness melted away. He let himself get lost in the kiss and even then as he felt a tangible person pressing up against him it was surreal. All the times he’d thought about it paled in comparison.

“Say you’ll stay.” Derek gasped against his lips pulling away slightly to look into his eyes and Stiles was frozen, “Stay for me.”

Stiles had no choice but to meet his gaze and once he did, he nearly choked. The affection shining in his eyes was undoubtedly there and it made Stiles want nothing more than to give him anything and everything. There was love there and Stiles would consider himself a fool if he denied that. So he nodded and gave into Derek.

Everything was a mess after that, their kisses turned desperate and they made a desperate need buried within Stiles awaken. He gasped and tugged on Derek’s shirt, wanting nothing more than for it to be off. Derek seemed to realize what he was trying to do because he pulled back and tugged it off in one swift motion. Stiles choked reaching out to place his hands against his stomach because _Jesus_ and Derek rolled his eyes, reclaiming his lips. As they shed the rest of their clothes all Stiles could think of is what they were obviously about to do. He was completely inexperienced but in the same sense he felt so sure.

They stumbled slightly, Stiles tripping over their forgotten jeans, and fell against the bed. Derek lay still underneath him for a while and Stiles feared they he had done something wrong. When he went to scramble up Derek placed his hands on the small of his back and held him there. _Oh_. He moved his hips slightly letting his own erection slide against Derek’s and was rewarded with a drawn out whine. He savored in the sound and took the situation in its entirety. Derek was nothing that he’d expected. In his imagination he was dominant and borderline forceful but here he was soft edging along compliant. Derek was allowing him this and that made it that much better.

He swallowed staring into his eyes, which had gone red again, and the rocked together languidly every breath mingling. All he wanted to do was savor for this but Derek was growing noticeably more impatient. He rutted up sharply and the feeling went all the way down to his toes. He gasped, the sound dragged out of him forcibly, and he fell forward slightly,

“ _Wha-_ “

“Want you.” Derek rasped rocking up again and this time he was little more prepared. He furrowed his brow and reached between them to grasp Derek’s cock. Derek let out a growl of frustration and suddenly he was on his back Derek hovering over him, “No. _Want_ you.” He rolled his hips and that made more sense.

Stiles suddenly understood quantum physics.

“Oh.” He nodded vigorously and wriggled a little bit so he could reach his night stand. He grabbed the lube from his top drawer that he kept hidden under a stack of magazines. As he popped open the cap Derek allowed him to climb on top again. He let a breath pushing away all the nervous and circled the ring of muscles. His finger met a bit of resistance but when he glanced up there was no pain written on Derek’s face so he kept pushing. Derek pushed against the finger panting openly a whisper of _‘More, more, more’_ trailing from his lips. So he complied adding another then another. He let Derek’s responses guide him as he went along and their lips met. They kissed lazily while Stiles worked him open until Derek began squirming making him worry.

“What’s wrong?” He shook his head,” _Nothing_ …just…please.”

Stiles let his eyes rake over the man beneath him and he wanted so badly to refuse. He longed to indulge in his selfish desires. All he wanted to do was watch Derek come undone; breathless and feral, abandoning the last of his convictions. Derek lets out another whine and he removed his fingers slowly, finally giving in. He nods when Derek looks to him and then he’s turned over face pressed into the sheets. Beautiful.

Stiles ran his hands over the muscles of his back and peppered kisses along the three joined spirals that formed his tattoo. As his dick ran against his lubed hole he froze, reality crashing down on him like a bucket of ice water. His insecurities came back full force and he was painfully aware of his inexperience. He didn’t want to be a total screw up.

“ _Stiles._ ”

The tone of Derek’s voice made him shiver and he made a small noise in response, “You’re fine…just…” He pushed back slightly and Stiles hissed as the head slid in. He paused grabbing onto Derek’s hips. The push in was nearly unbearable as he wanted nothing more than to abandon all thought and simply rut shamelessly into the heat. It felt almost too good, he was sure he was going to be a total chick and cry. The only thing keeping him from doing so was how deathly still Derek had gone. The muscles of his back were taut as he breathed harshly against the sheets.

He wasn’t sure what it was or what possessed him but suddenly he knew exactly what he needed to do. He sighed softly and laid kisses over his shoulders until he relaxed. Derek whimpered trying to push back but Stiles stayed still only rolling his hips every once in a while,

“ _I know. I know._ ” He whispered against his skin and turned Derek’s head slightly so he could kiss him, “Just want to make it good.” He mumbled against his lips which earned him a rumble from the very depths of Derek’s chest. With that, he leaned back moving slowly at first until he saw Derek nails shifting into claws. His poor cotton sheets would be torn to shreds by the time they were through. He sped up trying to meet every gasp that mingled with his own. They wouldn’t last for long he knew that but when he felt the heat pooling into his belly it tore a moan out of him. He covered Derek’s back with his own and grasped his clawed hands in his own as his thrusts grew ragged.

Derek was mumbling things into the pillow but Stiles could only make out two words, “Need to-“ Stiles moaned against Derek’s shoulder and reached around to grasp Derek’s cock in his hand as he sped up. Derek came undone first with a howl as his claws dug into the sheets ripping clean through them. Stiles followed suit biting down on the junction where Derek’s shoulder met his neck. They both went limp and Stiles stayed on top of him for a while simply sucking and licking at the red mark he’d left on his neck. It was sure to fade soon. After both of their hearts calmed Stiles pulled out and fell at Derek’s side. He sighed and glanced over at Derek who was simply staring at him.

“You’ll stay.” It wasn’t a question so Stiles didn’t answer. He just leaned forward and kissed Derek fondly.

The heat in both of their bodies awakened quicker than either had thought and before Stiles knew it he was on his back once again. But this time with Derek sinking into his lap claws digging into his chest. It didn’t hurt, just stung, but he found that it was completely drowned out by the feeling of Derek riding him. He was sure in each motion and watched where they were joined with intent. He’d ramble too mumbling _‘Yours, yours’_ mindlessly and it made his heart swell. It was beautiful. He watched Derek, entranced, and it barely registered when they both came undone in white heat that was almost painful. All he could focus on was the way Derek’s eyes flashed from red and back to their equally amazing mixture of green, grey, and gold as he stared up at him after he collapsed.

There was a sense of adoration in his eyes that he’d only seen once. It was the way his father looked at his mother. That made it even harder to come to the conclusion that still he must go. Even after all that and knowing that Derek felt at least something towards Stiles he knew that he could not stay. He could not continue to watch everyone else get hurt while he stayed helpless.

His thoughts were interrupted by Derek curling around him and nuzzling his neck. He tried not to smile as he heard his breathing even out. He also tried not to cry as he laid there in silence but he failed miserably. Derek seemed to sense that because he tightened his hold and mumbled a barely audible,

“Sleep.”

So he did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a mess it feels a bit rushed but I didn't want to make it too....drawn out. There are also probably a lot of mistakes I apologizeeee.... like yeah I don't even have an excuse it just is what it is. I'm just going to continue to work on it and apologize for the months wait. I struggle with anxiety and depression so it is really easy to lose muse. But I here it is.  
> ONE MORE PART MOST LIKELY. I thought about ending it here but eh that would've been a little too much. Thank you all for being so patient with me I appreciate it so much. <3


	4. p a r t f o u r .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a rewrite of my story With the Moon I Run (Showing No Mercy) which is a challenge fill that I've taken on. I wasn't sure if everyone whose read this was aware but yeah.

_p a r t f o u r ._

Stiles woke before the sun, staring at Derek in the darkness, indulging in the last moments he had with the man. While Derek slept his features weren’t twisted down by the weight of his guilt or his responsibility as Alpha. He looked so much younger, innocent even. He slid from his arms with much difficulty, moving to gather the last of his things quickly. He had to be gone when the sun came up logically he knew that but it didn’t stop him from shooting longing gazes at the bed. He was carrying his last box when Derek finally stirred.

“Stiles,” he heard Derek mumble sleepily. He froze, his heart seizing in his chest, watching as Derek grasped blindly at the space where he’d been. He moved quickly, grasping the searching hand in his own, hoping it would be enough to appease him a little while longer. He watched the discomfort melt from his features.

“Everything is alright---hey, go back to sleep.” He leaned over pressing a kiss to his jaw hoping that in his sleep induced haze he didn’t hear the lie. Everything was utterly wrong but he didn’t want to be here when he shattered the happiness they’d made there. Moments later, Derek was breathing evenly his face smushed into the pillow he was planning to take. Stiles watched the first rays of sunlight dance over the bare expanse of his back and felt his heart clench up in his chest.

He was in love, hopelessly so, and he was about to give it all up.  

He backed away from the bed and gave Derek one last look before leaving. He was on auto pilot. Completely detached from his body as he fought against to go back and wrap himself in the man’s embrace. He climbed into the Jeep and smoothed a hand over the dashboard.

“C’mon Roscoe,” He encouraged, as he turned the key. Roscoe rumbled to life without a single sputter bringing a proud smile to his face. One that faded almost immediately as he pulled out taking one last look at the house before riding off.  All the memories he’d made there echoed in his head just as painfully as the longing for the person he’d left in his bed. The marked up map to Virgina lay in the front seat and he glanced over at it with a sigh.

“Here goes nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end. The reason I'm uploading this now is because I'm nearly finished with the first half of the next part of the series. I didn't want to upload this short shit with nothing in the horizon. The next part will be in Derek's POV and it will be the aftermath of Stiles leaving. If you've read my other story you'll know where this leads us but if you haven't then that's cool too. I hope you guys will stick around for the rest of the series. But, mostly I want to say that I'm so thankful for all the people who've read and enjoyed this. It's been really nice to have support as I try my best to re-imagine the story in a better way. Thanks for making this awesome.


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